


A Knight's Tale

by AricaZorel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Betrayal, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Epilogue, F/M, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Sensitivity, Friends to Lovers, Gray Jedi, Injury Recovery, Jedi Knights (Star Wars), Love Confessions, Major Character Injury, Major Original Character(s), Marriage Proposal, Old Republic Era, Planet Manaan (Star Wars), Redemption, References to the Jedi Council (Star Wars), Romance, Sexual Content, Spoilers, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:55:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22781335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AricaZorel/pseuds/AricaZorel
Summary: The Ebone Hawk crew had seen their share of troubles during their mission to find the Star Maps. But when they are finally captured by Admiral Karath aboard the Sith flag ship, the true nature of their mission takes an unexpected turn. Join Jedi Knight Serra Antilles as she attempts to navigate the fine line between what the Jedi Council expects of a Jedi and what her heart tells her to do. Never having been one to follow the Council's wishes to the letter, her growing relationship with one ace Republic pilot does nothing to help clarify things. Or does it?“Flowing through all, there is balanceThere is no peace without a passion to createThere is no passion without peace to guideKnowledge fades without the strength to actPower blinds without the serenity to seeThere is freedom in lifeThere is purpose in deathThe Force is all things and I am the Force”The Gray Jedi Code written by the first Kage of the order, Leor Danal
Relationships: Carth Onasi/Original Character(s), Carth Onasi/Original Female Character(s), Revan/Bastila Shan
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

Serra Antilles looked at the cell she had been thrown into aboard the _Leviathan_ and decided that the Sith really were bad interior decorators. It seemed to go along with being really bad hosts and servants of the Darkside. As she looked around the spartan brig, she decided that there was no immediate way out and that going with their original plan would have to suffice. The Jedi only hoped that Juhani would be able to sneak her way around the ship and release everyone. Derrik, Carth, and Bastila had been taken to a separate holding area. The rest of them were in the standard brig with the other unfortunate prisoner of Malak and Karath. What she couldn’t figure out was why suddenly a squad of Sith Troopers was staring back at her through the energy barrier in her cell.

Stripped of her weapons and armor, she suddenly felt very naked. The troopers looked in her general direction but with their helmets she was unable to determine if they were actually staring at her. The undergarments she wore where less than ideal to wear in front of strangers let alone Darkside devotees. Of course, she seriously doubted they would try anything now, not in such a high security area. If they moved her somewhere more secluded, maybe. Either way, she had hoped no one would pay any particular attention to her, just taking her for another Jedi assigned to the mission. But with her present “guests” she concluded someone had other plans. At the moment, all Antilles could hope for was that whatever was going on would not interfere with Juhani’s rescue attempt.

“You will come with us, Jedi. The Admiral wishes to _speak_ with you,” the squad commander said with a sneer. “Try any of your Jedi tricks and the shock collar will activate. Do you understand?”

Serra nodded her answer and the field was lowered. Their weapons trained on her; they formed a circle of sorts around her as they escorted her to Karath. They only thing she could think of was the feelings of anger, pain, and worry emanating from Carth. What the hell was going on and why did she think whatever they were going to do with her was just going to make it worse?

^^^^^

“Ah, I see we have the final member of our little group,” Karath said as Serra was pushed into the interrogation room a few minutes later.

She glared back at the guards as she purposely ignored the Admiral. Only a groan and the sound of a shock cage activating brought her attention back to the man responsible for the bombardment of Taris and Telos. Antilles looked passed the older name to see Derrik, Bastila, and Carth in shock cages, wearing similar garments as she was. As the middle cage shut down, she saw Captain Carth Onasi looking ragged and very angry. The Admiral was watching for her reaction and she knew it. Betting that he already knew something, but unsure of what that was, she decided to try to ignore Carth for the moment.

“What do you want, Karath?” Antilles said as if she had something better to do or someplace to go.

“Well, my dear, it seems that the Jedi Council thought that they could keep all their secrets secret if they put them all in the same place. Bastila Shan, your friend, Derrik, Atreides and even you, were all weapons to use against Lord Malak and the Sith. But the Jedi are fools and here you are,” the Admiral gloated as he took several steps towards Carth’s enclosure.

“Fine, you have us. What do you want with me? I was simply sent to babysit a couple of Jedi Padawans looking for the Star Maps,” she replied knowing that playing dumb wouldn’t work but might provide enough stalling time for Juhani to work her magic.

“Ah, but you are so much more than you let on. Unlike Bastila, you know humility and the value of keeping a low profile,” he said as he eyed the Republic soldier.

“Your point?” she said trying very hard to avoid eye contact with the hazel eyed man. The only thing keeping her from using the Force was the fact the others were in the shock cages which Karath could use to kill them if he wished.

“My point, _Jedi_ , is the Sith will win and you will fail. The Lightside cannot possibly conquer the Dark especially with the current Council in place,” the Sith Commander said as he continued to leer at Onasi. “You possess a power as rare as Bastila’s battle meditation. It is the reason the Council took you from your parents, hid you away on Taris, and placed you in charge of Jedi concerns on your mission. Lord Malak has plans for someone with your unique abilities.”

“You can tell Malak to go fly into a black hole for all I care,” Antilles replied as she glanced at Bastila and Derrik. They looked to be in about the same shape as Carth, except Derrik seemed to be more battered than the others. _What is going on? What did he know about Derrik?_

“I’m afraid that’s not the sort of response Lord Malak expects from his subordinates,” Karath said matter-of-factly as he pressed a button on his belt. Suddenly Antilles’ world burst into a vision of bright light and extreme pain. She gasped for air and dropped to her knees on the metal deck.

“Serra?! What are you doing you, bastard? Leave her alone!” Onasi yelled from his cage as he bounced off the energy field, ignoring his own pain.

“Oh, so my assumption was correct. You and the Jedi do feel something for one another. How _very_ interesting,” Karath commented as he shut off the shock collar. “You do fall into predictable patterns, Carth.”

“Frag you, Saul! You don’t need to hurt her. She doesn’t know anything,” the Captain said as Serra attempted to stand.

The Admiral watched with mild interest as he said, “I brought you here for two reasons: one, Lord Malak thought that your interrogation may yield some useful information if not begin the process of breaking you to the Darkside, and two, one of you might be more inclined to talk than the other. I doubt either of these scenarios will play out as we hoped but it never hurts one to be thorough.”

“You are one sick son of a bitch, Karath. You killed my family and the man I loved. You will not get away with that,” Antilles said as she stood at her full height.

“I’ve killed many people, my dear. And you are certainly not the first to declare vengeance against me. Is she, Carth?”

“You destroyed our world, Saul. You will pay for this. You and Malak both!”

“Still naïve as ever. How did I ever think you could be my protégé? You don’t even know the truth about Revan. I would think that it is likely your female Jedi here doesn’t either.”

“Revan is dead. Get over it,” Antilles croaked flatly as she struggled to remain at her full height. The effects of the shock collar still palpable.

“Your friend ‘Derrik’ might disagree with that statement,” Admiral Karath said with a smirk as he glanced at the cage behind him.

Bastila said, “Ignore the Admiral. All of you. He is only toying with us until his master arrives.”

“I have better things to do than _toy_ with you. But Malak will reveal the truth to you when he arrives.”

Derrik breathed heavily. “We will not turn.”

“Say that now, but Lord Malak’s truth will set you free, my ‘padawan’.”

Antilles narrowed her eyes as she realized Karath had focused a majority of the interrogation on Derrik. He had to know something about the amnesiac Jedi, and it had something to do with Revan. But what?

“Think about what has happened. How eager the Council was to train Derrik. Why does he know anything about the Star Maps? The Jedi are not the noble creatures they pretend to be. But you know that don’t you, Serra? You’ve had your doubts about the Jedi since you were a child. What have they ever really done for you?”

“Ser, don’t listen to him. The Jedi may not be perfect but their better than the Sith. You know that,” Carth said from his cage.

“This conversation does not include you, Captain,” Karrath said as he activated he soldier’s cage.

Carth screamed in pain as Antilles lunged as the Sith Officer. “Leave him alone!”

Before she could get her hands around his neck, her shock collar activated, and she fell to the cold metal deck. Karath turned the feed to Onasi’s cage off as he programmed Serra’s collar to shock her intermittently at different settings. He straightened his uniform as he looked down at the female Jedi. She was on the floor writhing in pain silently screaming.

“I will leave you all to contemplate your future as I prepare for Lord Malak’s arrival. Let this Jedi be a lesson to you. The Sith cannot be conquered.”

The Admiral left with the guards and sealed the door behind him. The three prisoners looked down at Antilles who seemingly refused to cry out loud in pain. Carth attempted to talk to her but the pain was too much and she did not respond. After several long minutes of shocks, Serra stopped moving and smoke rose from the collar.

“Gorgeous?” Carth called warily from his cage.

When she didn’t respond, he said louder, “Serra, talk to me, beautiful?...Ser?”

Bastila hung her head as she said, “Her presence in the Force is weakening, Carth. You should…say goodbye…while you can.”

“ _NO!_ I will not lose another woman I love!...Serra, wake up! Come back to me! You hear me! _SEEERRRRAAAA!”_


	2. Chapter 2

Serra Antilles lay on the cold metal deck plate only vaguely aware of her surroundings. She was cold, hurting, and confused. Someone was calling her name, but she didn’t know why. Everything was hazy. All she could clearly remember was blinding pain and cold. Sleep seemed like a good idea as she tried to ignore the voices beckoning her to wake up. _Yes, sleep would be better. Then the pain would stop…_

“Why isn’t she waking up?”

“She’s had a tremendous shock to her system, Carth, _literally_. It will take some time for her to come back to us. If she can come back at all.”

“What do you mean? She has to be okay!”

“She’s been electrocuted repeatedly for a long time. There could be a damage I haven’t found. A Force Trance would be the best way to stabilize her, but she is in no condition to do that.”

“Can’t you…”

“Carth, Jolee has done all that he can do. He is a good healer, but he can only do so much.”

“Back off, Bastila! Serra is going to be okay!”

“Yelling at me will not help…”

“Let it go, Bastila. Let him tend to her. You and I should go secure our gear.”

“Republic, we are going to have to get out of here and soon.”

“I know but not without Serra.”

“Fine, we’ll prep the Hawk for flight. You take care of your girlfriend.”

“Yeah, whatever, Ordo…Serra, wake up. Please? I know you can hear me…You need to wake up.”

“My boy, you need to accept the possibility she won’t come back to us.”

“ _No, she will_. I know she will. I…I can still feel her…She’s not gone yet.”

“How do you know that?”

“She’s hurting bad and wants to sleep. I don’t know…I can just feel things from her sometimes…like how I always seem to know where she is.”

“Use that, my boy. Use that and help her to fight.”

“Beautiful, please. I don’t want to lose you too. I need you to stay with me. _You have to come back_.”

Serra groaned as she became annoyed with the voice that would not let her sleep. But it sounded so familiar. Some small voice in the back of her mind urged her to listen to the male voice. But why?

“That’s it, gorgeous. Wake up. I want to see those beautiful brown eyes of yours.”

_Gorgeous…Carth. Carth was calling her name…Had something happened? He sounded scared. He was never scared, at least he didn’t show it. But he was now…_

“I still can’t get this damn thing off of her.”

“Let me try…Ouch…damn it all. It shocked me! Damn Sith and their shock collars.”

_Shock collar…_

Suddenly the collar discharged again, only this time at Antilles. She writhed on the floor and then the torture device fell to the floor. Serra’s eyes shot open as she gasped for breath. The first thing she saw was a pair of hazel eyes staring back at her with relief. As she coughed, strong hands wrapped around her shoulders and waist to support her. “Carth?”

It came out as a horse whisper, but Onasi smiled as if she had just called him the most handsome pilot in the galaxy again. “Yeah, gorgeous, it’s me and I’ve got you.”

“Is everyone okay? I remember Karath torturing you and the others…” she choked out as Jolee checked her vitals with a medscanner from a medkit.

“Yeah, we’re a little worse for wear but we’re okay. You and Derrik got the worst of it,” the pilot replied as Serra leaned against him heavily.

“By the Force, girl. I can barely tell anything happened to you. All your systems are already showing signs of major improvements. It’s like you didn’t even experience any trauma at all…” Jolee said as he looked at her with suspicion. “How? We thought you could only save others from the verge of death…”

She looked at the older grey Jedi, realizing he probably already knew about _all_ her powers and just why Karath and Malak had suddenly shown an interest in her. Carth, however, knew that she had a rare power; he’d experienced it on Dantooine. The other she’d refused to reveal to him, saying it was bad enough he knew of one. Knowing about the other would put him in even more danger than he was already in. She coughed and then looked at Onasi. “I can absorb and re-channel energy. The shock collar shorted out because I fed back the energy…but there was a lot of it…The rest had no place go…”

“So, it went back to you,” Bindo said as he rose to his feet.

“Yeah, I kinda had to shut down and rest before I could get rid of the extra energy…I’ve only had to do that a couple of times before. None of them were pleasant,” she replied as Carth tightened his grip on her ever so slightly.

“I see, but you really should tell your pilot there the rest of that power set you have,” the black man said as he joined the others in reclaiming their gear and belongings.

Antilles looked at the deck plates as Carth brushed her long brown hair out of her face. “Gorgeous, talk to me.”

“We should really get going. Malak is getting closer,” Antilles said she attempted to climb to her feet.

Onasi’s strong hands on her hips kept her seated on the floor. “Not until I know you’re alright. Whatever Jolee said can wait. Are you okay, really?”

She looked up at him with a small sincere smile. “Yes, I will be, especially once we get off this damn ship.”

“Serra” he said in a warning tone.

“I promise, flyboy. I just want to get out of here. I’m just tired,” she said cupping his cheek.

Suddenly, Carth leaned forward and kissed her hard. Serra gasped but let him hold her tightly as he savagely claimed her mouth with his. He pulled away from her, leaving her breathless as he said huskily, “I felt you. You came back to me. Don’t leave me, Serra. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you…”

“Carth, I’m sorry. I—"

“Hey Onasi, Antilles! We gotta get going. Malak is _here_!” Derrik called from the other room. He stuck his head around corner and tossed two bags in their general direction. “Here’s your stuff. We’ll scout ahead, but you know this tin can better than any of us, Carth.”

“We’ll be there in a couple of minutes,” the Captain called as he helped the female Jedi to her feet.

When the other Jedi disappeared, he turned back to her. “Think you can keep up, gorgeous?”

“I can try…” she said with a grin.

Carth opened their packs and handed her gear and clothes to her. As he dressed himself, he glanced back at her. There were bruises and burns all over her body. Carth closed his eyes and tried to think about what they had to do to escape. This wasn’t how the mission was supposed to have gone…

A kiss on his cheek let him know she knew what he had been thinking. He opened his eyes and saw her smiling at him, despite her current condition, she could still be strong for him. He nodded his understanding as they continued to dress. Putting on their blaster belts and Serra’s lightsaber, they started to make their way to the others. “Carth, wait.”

“Yeah, gorgeous. “

“I just want you to know…I mean…You aren’t going to…I don’t want you to…”

“I’m not going anywhere, Serra. I have to see this through, but I have Dustil back and I have you…”

“Okay, Onasi, I read you loud and clear.”

“Good. Now let’s get the hell off this ship.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Carth, we have company on our six,” Antilles called from behind the small group of four. Bastila, Derrik, Onasi, and Serra had gone after Admiral Karath, hoping to stop him and maybe even Malak. Instead they had run into more trouble than they had bargained for. Sith troopers and Darkside devotees had over run them at every turn and now they were just outside the bridge to the Leviathan.

“Okay, gorgeous. We’ll cover you if you can bypass the door lock with your magic,” the pilot said as they assumed defensive positions. Forgetting his feelings about force users in general for the moment, he was very glad to have one with a knack for technology on their side.

Derrik and Bastila exchanged looks as Carth took out the first wave of soldiers with his dual blasters. Both of them felt the increasing presence of the Dark Lord as Serra worked the lock guided by the Force. A second wave led by a Sith apprentice approached the four of them quickly as Onasi said, “Beautiful, _anytime_ now would be good.”

“Done, flyboy,” she said as the blast door to the bridge opened to reveal even more Sith and Karath.

Derrik and Bastila dispatched the remaining Sith in the corridor as Onasi turned his attention to the bridge of his former captain. His old mentor stood at the head of the bridge, in plain view of Carth’s sights. Serra watched as the Captain quickly sized up the situation and then made for cover as the bridge guards opened fire. Serra assumed a covering fire position as she drew her blaster and ignited her saber to deflect energy bolts.

“ _Saul!”_ Carth yelled as the Sith numbers began decreasing rapidly.

“You never did know when to give up, Carth. You will not leave this ship alive,” the admiral said as he drew his own blaster.

“You bombed Telos and gave the order that killed my wife. Why would I give up?” the Republic soldier shouted as he shot the guards protecting the Sith commander.

Bastila fought off the apprentices as Derrik worked on the troopers along the perimeter of the room. Serra and Carth focused on the remaining personal on the bridge as Karath continued to taunt his former student. The blast door shut behind the group as Karath said, “There is no escape from the Sith. Your group would do well to remember that.”

“Don’t you ever shut up?” Antilles yelled back trying to break any influence the Admiral may have been exerting over Carth.

“Your female Jedi seems to think that I talk too much. But what if I have the truth concerning Revan and why your friend Derrik cannot recall his recent past? Don’t you think that all of these events tied with the Jedi’s sudden need to find the Star Maps are more than coincidence? I taught you better than to believe everything at face value.”

“You taught me a lot of things, Saul. Then you betrayed me.”

“Betray you? Don’t you think the Jedi have betrayed _us_? What about the Council you are running errands for now? Or Bastila who is keeping their secrets? What about Serra Antilles? She could be gaining your trust only to turn it back on you.”

“Serra would _never_ betray me.”

“You thought the same about _me_ as well. We all do what is best for the galaxy, Carth. It’s a pity you never learned that.”

“She is _not_ you, Saul. You killed my wife. I will never forgive you for that. I _will_ kill you.”

“Still a man of words. Actions deliver far better results, Carth,” the Admiral said as he trained his blaster on his former protégé.

“Carth, he’s just trying to goad you into doing something stupid. Don’t listen to him,” Serra said as she pointed her own weapon at the Sith commander.

“I only speak the truth, Jedi. Carth knows this and he will see that, especially once he realizes the extent of your Order’s betrayal,” Karath said as he suddenly fired a shot at Antilles.

She blocked the shot as Onasi reacted involuntarily and shot his former mentor point blank in the chest. “Ser, are you okay?”

“Ah, yeah. What about the Admiral?” she said as she re-clipped her lightsaber to her belt.

Karath laid on the deck plates where he had fallen, coughing up blood. “C-c-c…Carth…come here.”

“The Admiral! He’s still alive!” Bastila exclaimed as the Captain glanced from Serra to the dying man.

“Carth, come here. I have something to tell you,” Karath choked out from the floor.

“Flyboy be careful,” Antilles cautioned as he walked over to the Admiral, his blaster still drawn.

Carth nodded as he knelt beside the man he’d once considered a friend. “What do you have to say that so important it’s keeping you from dying?”

Serra strained to hear the last words of Admiral Saul Karath as Bastila looked nervously at Derrik. Something wasn’t right. Karath had been correct in his assumption that the young Jedi padawan knew something the Council did not want the rest of the group to know. Antilles was suddenly overwhelmed by a strong rush of hate and betrayal. She looked to Carth who knelt over Karath’s body cursing.

“Damn it! Damn it all, Saul! It can’t be true, can it? Bastila, it _is_ true isn’t? You and the whole damn Council knew the whole time, didn’t you?” Onasi yelled as he turned to face the three Jedi behind him. He glared at Bastila and then turned a death stare towards Derrik. “You knew about _him_ the whole time? How could you not tell us?”

“Please, Carth. We don’t have time for this right now. Malak is here,” Shan pleaded as Derrik looked on in confusion.

“What did the Admiral say? What do he and Bastila know?” the male Jedi said as Serra stood a few feet from Carth. Not sure what was going on but scared that the pilot would turn his anger towards her next, she remained silent.

The Captain ignored the question as he said, “No, Bastila. Explain it to me _now_.”

“I can’t, but I promise I will explain it all to you when we get back to the _Ebone Hawk_ ,” the female Padawan offered as she motioned to the blast doors.

Carth looked at her hard and then lowered his blasters. “Alright, Bastila. I’ll accept that for now. But when we get back to the ship I want to know _everything_.”

“Of course, Carth. I promise I will tell you everything,” she said as she glanced at Derrik quickly and then turned away just as fast.

Serra had continued to remain silent during the whole exchange, only watching the others’ reactions and sensing them through the Force. Carth had her worried the most, granted they had a relationship of sorts but that wasn’t the whole reason. Bastila was desperate to keep everything from falling apart and afraid of losing Derrik. The amnesiac Jedi was confused and getting very annoyed at everyone ignoring him. The pilot however was very angry and feeling betrayed. It revolved around the Jedi Council and just Jedi in general. She feared it included her too.

Derrik glanced back at Carth and then to Serra who could only offer a faint, unhelpful shrug of her shoulders. As he shook his head, he turned to follow the female sentinel through the now open blast doors. Antilles stood still as Onasi let out another curse and started to leave the bridge as well. When Serra didn’t move to follow him, he looked back at her. His expression softened as he extended a hand to her. “You coming, beautiful?”

She looked at him, unsure how to respond. He seemed to be okay with her, but she was still sensing betrayal from him. “Come on, gorgeous, we gotta go. Dark Lord of Sith coming and all.”

Serra wanted to go to him, but something kept her from doing so. Instead all she could say was his name quietly. He instantly went to her and took her hand. “It’s okay, Serra. _We’re_ okay.”

“But I’m a Jedi,” she replied as he pulled her towards the bridge door.

“Yeah, you are, and you’re the only Jedi I think I can trust,” he said as he winked at her. “We need to go now before more bad guys show up. And we need to have a chat with the Jedi Princess once we got off this boat.”

^^^^^^^

As they made their way to the hanger bay to meet up with the rest of their group aboard the _Ebone Hawk_ , the Sith kept coming at them. The four of them fought their way down the numerous corridors as Serra wondered just what Carth and Bastila knew. And what would Malak do if he caught them? Bastila was wanted for her battle meditation. Derrik knew something about the Star Forge and apparently Malak knew something about him, something that angered Carth. As for her, her little power she refused to tell anyone was probably what the Sith wanted from her. Onasi was, of course, a prize Republic soldier and a symbol. Capturing him would be a blow to moral and possibly more.

Suddenly all three Jedi stopped in their tracks. The Dark Lord was near and there was no way to avoid a confrontation with him. Carth looked at the other three and knew that something bad was about to happen. Serra motioned for Carth to take cover as she assumed a similar position. Bastila and Derrik took up matching positions along the opposite side of the corridor. No one looked at each other as the threatening presence approached the set of closed blast doors in front of them. All that was said was Carth whispering for only Serra to hear, “You were right. Revenge isn’t what I really wanted… _You_ are.”

Serra’s heart skipped a beat as she continued to gaze ahead at the door. Carth aimed his blasters and waited with the others for the damn doors to open. Antilles waited in silence with them as she now knew that what she felt for the Captain was returned by him the only way he could tell her. Either way it was enough to help remind her of the real reason to keep fighting and what she really thought the Jedi should be. Now if only they could figure out exactly what the hell Malak wanted and what the Council was hiding.

Suddenly the blast doors opened to reveal the Dark Lord of the Sith. Revan’s one-time apprentice stood before the group of four and laughed. Serra and the others looked on in silence as Bastila said with distain, “Lord Malak!”

Onasi quickly fired off a shot at the Sith’s chest. Despite his crack shots, the bolts bounced off him like practice darts. In bemusement, the dark servant used the Force and pushed the Captain back onto the floor. As Carth hit the deck plates, Serra rushed to his side. He coughed and groaned as the air was knocked out of him. Serra cradled his head as the Sith Lord laughed again.

“I hope you weren’t thinking of leaving so soon, Bastila. I’ve spent far too much energy hunting you and your companions to let you get way now.”

Carth shook his head to clear away the cobwebs as Serra attempted to help him to his feet. He pushed away her helping hand and rose to his feet himself. Antilles stayed kneeling in confusion as Malak continued talking, directing his gaze and comments to Derrik now. The newest Jedi stared blankly at the other man as an understanding expression spread across his handsome face. Malak continued to laugh and gloat as Bastila stood silently beside him. Serra herself was only starting to get the faintest hint of the _truth_ Karath and Malak were talking about.

“Even the combined power of the Jedi Council could not keep your true identity buried forever, could it?” Malak said as Antilles rose slowly to her feet behind as still somewhat dazed Carth.

Suddenly Derrik grabbed his head as if in intense pain and doubled over. Serra looked from Bastila to Malak and then experienced a flash of pain from Derrik through the Force. She closed her eyes, willing it to go away as she realized he was starting to remember. She also sensed the anger radiating off of Carth. She suddenly had a very bad feeling about everything, more so than when they were being tortured.

“You cannot hide from what you once were, Revan. Recognize that you were once the Dark Lord of the Sith and know that I have taken your place!”

“No, how can that be? That’s impossible!” Derrik yelled as he still held his head.

“You do not yet remember, Revan? The Jedi set a trap. They lured us into battle against a small republic fleet. During the attack, a small team of Jedi Knights boarded your ship. The Jedi strike team captured you and the Council used the Force to reprogram your mind; the wiped away your identity and turned you against your own followers.”

“I don’t believe you…” Derrik said but Serra could sense that he was starting to accept it as a possibility.

“You must have seen flashes of your old life in your dreams, Revan’s memories bubbling up to the surface? Surely you must remember the battle in which you were captured?”

Derrik shook his head as he said, “No, I’m not Revan. I _can’t_ be…”

Malak once again let out a mechanical laugh as he went on to detail his betrayal of his master in order to assume the title of Dark Lord of the Sith for himself. Serra watched as Carth wore a cold expression on his face and refused to look at her despite her touching his mind ever so gently through the Force. Despite his confession earlier, she suddenly felt very alone.

“Bastila, is it true?”

“It’s true. I was part of the Jedi strike team sent to capture Revan…to capture you. When Malak fired on your ship you were badly injured. We thought you were dead. Your mind was destroyed, but I used the Force to preserve the flicker of life left in your body. I brought you to the Jedi Council. They were the ones who healed your damaged mind,” Bastila explained with genuine remorse.

“The Jedi Council didn’t restore your wounded mind, Revan. They merely programmed it with a new identity—one loyal to the Republic. They tried to make you their slave,” Malak said.

“The Jedi hold all life sacred, even that of a Sith Lord. I could not just let you die, Revan. Not if it was possible to save you…”

Antilles gripped her lightsaber tightly as she listened to Bastila and Malak tell two sides of the story of Revan and why he was still alive. Either way, the man who had killed her fiancé and had given the order to destroy both Telos and Taris stood in front of her. Anger boiled over inside her. Had this been what Carth had felt when he finally faced Saul? And she had told him not to give into the hate…to not become the thing he hated the most…vengeance was not the way…But the urge to take the opportunity while they were distracted was so great…

“They made an identity for you, Revan. Made you their puppet and Bastila was the handler pulling the strings…They even convinced these poor fools to follow you, knowing what you had done to them,” the Sith Lord gloated as he made a sweeping gesture toward Onasi and Antilles.

Serra’s carefully controlled temper flared, and she started to take a step towards the Sith. A strong arm across her stomach suddenly stopped her in midstride. She looked up to see Carth shaking his head _no_ as his gaze remained fixed ahead on the other three. She cocked her head as the anger she felt subsided a little. The Captain’s hand moved from her stomach to find her arm and pull her back behind him again. The look on his face and his sudden actions told her that he expected something bad to happen anytime now.

“A small part of me has always regretted betraying you from afar. I always knew there would be those that thought I acted out of fear that I did not want to face you. But now fate has given me a second chance to prove myself. Once I defeat you in combat no one will doubt my claim to the Sith throne; my triumph will be complete!”

“Your power is no match for the light!” Derrik stated confidently.

“The Jedi Council was foolish to let you live. I will not make the same mistake. We shall finish this alone in the ancient tradition of the Sith: master versus apprentice, as it was meant to be!” Malak said loudly as he flung purple lightening at Carth and Bastila.

The young padawan was able to deflect it with her twin bladed saber but Onasi didn’t stand a chance. Fortunately, Serra reached over his shoulder with her hand and absorbed the energy. Carth was spared any ill effect but Antilles, already over taxed from their earlier torture collapsed against his back. He turned to catch her as Malak took the opportunity to temporally encase everyone but Derrik in a stasis field. Bastila froze in a defensive position, her yellow saber still lit. Carth fell to the deck plate with Antilles firmly against his chest.

Derrik watched in anger as his friends where held immobile by his former apprentice. “You’ll pay for that, Malak!”

“You were once a man of action not just words, Revan. I see the Lightside has made you soft,” the Sith said as they crossed sabers.

Energy sparks flew off the beams as Derrik used all his might not to give into the anger he felt. His friends needed him. Hell, the galaxy was in a mess because of him if everything were true. He had to put things right, even if no one ever trusted him again. He had to make things right.

“Not soft, Malak. Compassionate. Something you would not understand,” Derrik said as he flashed on something Serra had told him after one of Bastila’s fits. _Just because you feel like you have all the power in the galaxy doesn’t mean you have to use it. With great power comes great responsibility. If Jedi could learn that one lesson, then the galaxy would be a lot better off. We aren’t the end and beginning of everything. Other people have to be able to make their own mistakes and their own decision and be able to deal with the repercussions. Realizing that is what makes Jedi a Jedi._

“Whatever you believe, it will not change the fact that I am stronger than you now,” the Sith said as they continued to clash lightsabers. After several minutes it was obvious that despite his mental handicap, Derrik was still the better swordsmen. Malak gave up finesse and decided to go the old Sith route of cheating. Using the Force to capture his foe in a tempest, Malak then retreated through the blast doors and sealed them behind him. Derrik gave chase through another set of doors once he had been deposited onto the hard deck plates.

^^^^^^

Minutes after Derrik had left to pursue Malak, the remaining three slowly began to move as the stasis field wore off. Bastila and Carth quickly assessed the situation noting Derrik’s absence and Serra’s unconscious state. Bastila ran to the only opened door in the corridor before Onasi could stop her.

“I have to find Derrik before all hope is lost. Malak cannot win again,” the sentinel shouted as she ignited her double-bladed lightsaber and hurried down the hall.

Carth knelt down beside Antilles’ motionless body as he took in the events from the last few minutes. So much had changed and so much still hung in the balance. And it all hinged on someone he had come to count as a friend, and Carth didn’t have many he afforded that title. Now that man could very well be the end to everything they had been fighting for these past few months…

They needed to move, to catch up with Malak. But Serra was seriously hurt. Would moving her aggravate any injuries she been too stubborn to tell him about or any new ones she had just gotten? Either way remaining aboard the _Leviathan_ was not an option, and he would be damned if he were going to leave her behind. A quick check of her pulse reassured him that she was still very much alive but not in a good way. Her heart rate was slow and her breathing shallow. The Captain scooped her up in his strong arms and began a careful jog down the corridor Bastila had disappeared down only moments before.

The fate of the universe might depend on what path Derrik decided to take but Carth knew that whatever the future held for him he very much wanted the woman in his arms to be with him. He hadn’t asked her if she’d known Derrik were Revan. It really hadn’t even crossed his mind to think she’d betray him like that. But Saul’s word echoed in his mind. _She could be gaining your trust only to turn it back on you._

Would the Jedi do such a thing to keep someone who had known Karath around? His mind said yes but his heart said Serra would not have been a part of it. Deciding to follow his heart for the time being, he increased his pace to catch up with Bastila and Derrik. Hopefully Canderous had the _Hawk_ prepped to go and they could leave. But what to do about Derrik once they were away? No clear-cut answer came to him as he raced to find the others.

^^^^^^^

Carth made it to another confluence of corridors in time to witness Malak put Derrik in another stasis field and Bastila let out a battle cry. As she charged at the Sith Lord, she yelled, “I’ll hold Malak off. You three get out of here. Find the Star Forge!”

Carth said, “No, Bastila. He’s too strong!”

Bastila ignored the captain as she engaged the Sith Lord in saber combat and shut the blast doors behind them. Carth cursed and looked down at Serra. He could do nothing to aid the young Jedi who had willingly sacrificed herself for her comrades. The stasis field wore off as the doors shut and Derrik stared at them, almost unwilling to believe Bastila would trade her life for his.

Onasi changed to command mode and walked over to the man with questionable allegiance. “The door’s sealed; we can’ get passed. Come on, we need to get to the _Ebone Hawk_.”

“What about Bastila? We have to help her!” Derrik exclaimed in desperation.

“Bastila doesn’t stand a chance against Malak, but we can’t help her. Not here. We have to get off this ship and find the Star Forge. That’s the key to defeating the Dark Lord. Bastila sacrificed herself so we could get way. We can’t let her sacrifice be in vain. Come on,” Onasi said bluntly as he started to carry Serra towards the docking bay. He was in no mood to soften the blow about what had just transpired.

Too much had happened. Too many betrayals uncovered. Too much almost lost and still could be lost for the Republic soldier to show any kindness to a possible enemy. He wanted to know exactly where he stood with everyone. But the past few hours had changed all that. No longer were things and people black and white. Everything seemed to be shaded in grey.

Dustil and Serra were who was important to him now. For them he would continue fighting. Even if it meant allying himself with a potential enemy. But after their goal was accomplished, if Derrik was not a friend, then foe he would be and pay for his crimes like one he would.


	4. Chapter 4

“Where’s Bastila? What happened on that ship?” Jolee asked hurriedly as Carth emerged from the medical bay after settling Serra in.

The Captain switched to debriefing mode and began to fill the other on the events with Karath and Malak. “We ran in to Malak. He would have killed us but Bastila sacrificed herself so we could escape.”

Mission stuttered out the obvious question as she cringed. “You mean she…she’s dead?”

Bindo dismissed the assumption with hard earned wisdom. “Bah. Don’t be foolish. Malak won’t kill her. He’ll want to use her battle meditation against the Republic. Turn her to the Darkside and the Sith will always be victorious.”

Derrik blurred out without mentioning his _revelation_. “We have to go rescue Bastila! We can’t leave her in Malak’s hands.”

Onasi turned to the one he distrusted the most, images of Telos burning, his wife dead in his arms, Dustil as a Sith, and Serra near death flashed through his mind. “Not so fast. We have a bigger issue to deal with first. They deserve to know the truth about you. Do you want to tell them what Malak said, or should I?”

Derrik looked at the pilot in the eye and stood at his full height. “No, I’ll tell them. I…I’m Darth Revan…”

Mission exclaimed, “ _Revan_! What are you talking about? Is this some kind of joke?”

“It’s no joke. The Jedi council captured Revan and erased the Dark Lord’s mind, programming a new identity. Saul Karath told me on the _Leviathan_ and Bastila confirmed it,” Carth explained as he glared at Derrik. The others needed to know but all Onasi wanted to do was shove the man out the airlock and go back to Serra’s side.

“I only remember a little bit. A few strange dreams and visions. That’s it,” the amnesiac Revan admitted, answering everyone’s unspoken question.

The young Twi’lek said, a bit naïvely in the soldier’s opinion, “It seems to me that if you don’t really remember anything about being Revan then it doesn’t really matter. You are who you are now right?”

“Of course, it matters, Mission,” Carth said loudly in disbelief. “How do we know more memories won’t come flooding back? How do we know Revan won’t suddenly turn on us? The whole time we’ve been chasing after Malak we’ve had his former master right at our side: listening to our secrets, hearing our plans.”

“I’m not Revan anymore. I’m Derrik Atreides.”

“I don’t see Revan. I see a friend…besides it was Malak who tried to destroy Taris…And Big Z agrees with me.”

“How can you say that, Mission? The Sith bombed my homeworld! Revan took away my family and destroyed my life!” Onasi yelled.

“Everyone knows it was Malak who gave the order to attack your people, Carth. You can’t blame Revan for that,” Canderous said in Derrik’s defense.

“Yes, I can. Revan was his master, his teacher. If he hadn’t fallen to the Darkside, maybe my family would still be alive. Maybe Telos wouldn’t have burned! How can any of us trust you?”

It was silent for a long while until Jolee spoke up revealing he’d known who Derrik really was the whole time. Each other member of the _Ebone Hawk_ crew pledged their allegiance to the _reformed_ Sith Lord, including the droids. Carth stood in disbelief as this occurred. _What would Serra do?_

Everyone turned to the Republic Captain to see what would happen next. Everyone had been very careful not to bring up what Antilles might have said or done. Carth exhaled and tried to at least be diplomatic and think about what he said before he said it. Serra would have at least warned him to do that. “Well, the others seem to trust you…And I suppose Malak is the real enemy here…I won’t let my personal feelings get in the way of the mission or my assigned duties. But don’t forget that I’ve sworn an oath to defend the Republic. As long as the mission stays on course, there won’t be a problem. But I won’t let you betray the Republic under any circumstances.”

“I understand, Carth. But I swear to you I won’t betray you or the Republic. I’m _not_ Revan anymore.”

Onasi narrowed his eyes but did nothing else to acknowledge the statement.

Derrik looked back at him. “I lost someone too, Carth, because of my actions as Revan. Bastila is paying for my mistakes. I won’t do anything to endanger Serra—"

“ _Don’t_ you even go there! Just don’t. She’s been through enough without adding you and your Sith past to it!” the pilot roared as he suddenly felt a familiar presence.

He turned to see Antilles standing against the bulkhead, pale as he had ever seen her. “What is all the shouting? Why is Derrik involved with the Sith?”

As she clung to metal wall for support, Carth went to her. “Not now, gorgeous, you need to rest…”

“Quit trying to protect me, Onasi! What is it?” Serra exclaimed as she had a sinking feeling.

“Nothing—" Carth started to say as he held onto her.

“I’m Revan or at least I use to be…and Bastila is paying for that mistake…” Derrik admitted despite the other man’s protests.

“I told you to leave her alone!” Onasi roared as he increased his hold on Serra.

“Is it true?” she asked simply ignoring the Captain’s protests.

“Yes. _I’m sorry_ doesn’t seem adequate enough considering everything that has happened to you because of me…” the Jedi said as he hung his head in shame.

“ _Stop_. Just stop talking to her.” Onasi ordered as he placed an arm around her back and bent down to scoop her up into his strong arms. “Don’t talk to her again. Not while she’s in medbay, or so help me Force or not, I will kill you.”

As the Republic Captain disappeared down the corridor with Serra, he heard Mission say, “What happened to _I won’t let my personal feelings get in the way of the mission_?”

Canderous smirked, making sure the pilot could hear him. “I guess Republic let his over protect man feelings get in the way of duty when a strong Battlemaster like Revan talks to his woman.”

“That is not fair to Carth. We all have been through many trials in the recent months,” Juhani said diplomatically.

“No, he’s right. I shouldn’t have told her. It was Carth who should have…”

“No, Derrik. Despite the lad’s well-meaning intentions, Serra would have wanted to hear it from you,” Jolee said as the medical bay doors closed behind Onasi and Antilles.

^^^^^^

The Captain laid the exhausted Jedi sentinel on the medical bed as he went over the last few minutes. Canderous had put them on a course for Manaan, the location of the last Star Map. They needed to regroup, to get supplies, to rethink their strategy. Serra needed to recover; they all did. _How could he be Revan? Had she known?_

Carth closed his eyes as he checked her vitals yet again and shook his head. _She wouldn’t have lied to me. I trust her. I trusted Saul too…_

The deceased Admiral’s words once again played through his head. _She could be gaining your trust only to turn it back on you._

“No,” he said quietly, “He’s wrong. He has to be…I need him to be…”

A soft voice asked from beside him, “Are you okay, flyboy? I’m the one you made go to medbay.”

His hazel eyes snapped opened as he realized Serra was still awake. He thought she’d gone to sleep as soon as her head had hit the pillow. Her features showed concern despite the small smile she wore. “I’ll be okay, beautiful. Just need some sleep. We all do.”

Antilles frowned at him as he ran a hand through her long brown hair. “Does that really include you too, or are you just saying that, so I’ll go to sleep?”

Not feeling like fighting, the soldier uncharacteristically gave up. Exhaling raggedly, he said, “Me too. Soldier’s honor.”

“Onasi, are you sure you’re okay? You said something about needing someone to be wrong?” she said awkwardly propping herself up on one elbow.

“No, no I’m not okay, but as long as I’m with you…I think I can handle it,” he admitted as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. He suddenly felt a hand on the back of his head, holding him closer. Onasi looked into her eyes to see dark brown orbs staring back at him, fear and concern reflecting in them.

“Carth…” she whispered as she tipped her head up to meet his lips in a tender kiss. “Please don’t leave me alone…”

“Serra, I’ll never leave. You know that,” he said caressing her cheek with calloused fingers, minding the burns that still had not healed. The relief was evident in her beautiful features as he climbed into the medical bed with her. Lying on his side he spooned up to her to give her more room on the bed. The only sounds in the small room were the medical monitors and their breathing.

As they lay in the dimly lit room, he felt Serra reach for one of his hands. After intertwining their fingers together, he felt her relax. Maybe just being there together would be enough to get them both through the difficult days and weeks ahead. She hadn’t brought up Derrik or Revan, but he knew she knew the truth and that the truth was also bothering him more than he was willing to admit. As they drifted off to sleep the only thing he wasn’t sure of was how she felt about everything that had occurred? And did she know he had harbored only the slightest bit of doubt about her loyalty to him? That small voice that kept repeating Karath’s words was enough to spur on the fear she would not understand and would leave him. If that occurred, Carth had no idea what he would do then. Somehow Serra had become his new reason to keep going, to keep fighting. She’d help find his son, helped him work through his grief over Telos and his family, helped him see passed revenge, and gave him a reason to believe in love again. _I will not let Saul take my family away from me again…I love her…_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **flashbacks in italics**

_One month before…_

_On Kashyyk, the Ebone Hawk crew had freed the Wookies from the Czerka Company rule and gotten rid of a few Sith while finding the Star Map. Bastila had received word her mother had made it to Coruscant safely and Carth had heard from Dustil; he was en-route to Telos. Despite the good news about their family members, Shan was still scolding the other Jedi for having family ties and caring too much for other people. It was not the Jedi way._

_On their final night on the Wookie homeworld, the crew had gathered outside the_ Hawk _around a bonfire, relaxing before they moved on to the next planet. That was the night Serra had lost her temper. It had taken 3 planets and one spoiled Jedi Princess making comments about the Jedi having no family after she had helped her mother. But it had finally happened._

_Normally, Antilles was soft spoken but asserted her views when needed. She didn’t offer anything that was not requested or necessary but would listen and give advice if warranted. She did have a sense of humor that presented itself, usually with sarcasm or practical jokes. However, her anger usually set just below the surface, brewing but never quite making it to the top. Until that night…_

_“I wonder what Griff is doing right now? Probably trying to con someone for another one of his schemes,” Mission said as the fire crackled._

_“He will never learn. It is a good thing you decided to not go with him,” Juhani observed as she sipped some caff._

_“He’s still family,” Vao replied with a shrug as she poked at the fire. Zalbarr growled in agreement from beside her._

_“Family can only serve as a distraction from one’s duty,” Bastila commented as she sat between Juhani and Mission. She sat on a shipping crate she had brought out from the_ Hawk’ _s cargo bay. Sitting prim and proper, she looked over at Carth who proceeded to ignore her._

_“That is what the Council would have you believe, Bastila. But it doesn’t have to be that way,” Jolee observed as he sat between Juhani and Carth._

_“Yes, it does. Children who have Force abilities need guidance early on to develop their abilities correctly without harming others,” Shan said as Serra shifted slightly beside Carth._

_Onasi was seated on a log he’d found while Antilles sat on the ground leaning against the log and his leg. He glanced down at the woman who was against his knee. Her body was suddenly stiff, her hand drifting to one of her lightsabers strapped to her thigh. She remained silent though as Ordo added, “Mandalorians are trained from birth to become the best warriors possible. You Jedi wait until 5 or 6 six years old. That allows the attachments to be made that you frown upon so much, Bastila.”_

_“Some Force-sensitive children are not identifiable until that age so that is when recruiting starts,” the female Padawan said matter-of-factly as Derrik rolled his eyes. He had come back from the_ Hawk _with some junk food for the group to eat._

_The male Jedi walked up behind Shan as she said, “But there are some exceptions.”_

_“You make it sound like the parents have a choice. But they don’t. On Telos all the Jedi trainees who didn’t get chosen to be apprentices got shipped to the farms to work. Some were really promising with the Force but there weren’t enough Masters to train them so they were sent to work the fields. If they had been left with their families, maybe they could have had real lives,” Onasi interjected with a frown as Bastila looked at him._

_“Those ‘farms’ also helped rehabilitate fallen Jedi or those who were close to falling, those that could not commit whole heartedly to the Jedi cause,” she said with certainty as Derrik sat beside her on the ground, passing out the snacks he’s procured._

_“Have you ever been to one of those places, Bastila? Or are you just reciting all this from some Jedi brochure the Council gave you?” Onasi asked as Serra started fidgeting again._

_“Well, no, I have not. But the Order takes care of its own,” she said without admitting she might be wrong._

_“I used to work with a few of the Masters assigned to those ‘farms’ when I worked with Telos Security. The facilities are good, but those people deserve better. They could have had real lives. But because they are born with a special ability suddenly they have no choice in their destiny. They are taken from their family and told what they will be doing and if they disagree they are sent to the farms. Many of the people there are there not because they weren’t chosen by a Master or because they fell, they just don’t agree with the Council.”_

_“That’s not true. The Council is not so childish as to send people away because of a difference in opinion. So, you are wrong, Carth,” Shan said as Serra sat straight up. “The Jedi do not punish one for believing differently.”_

_“Yes, they do,” Antilles finally said, drawing the attention of the rest the group._

_“What do you mean? You don’t get along with the Council and you are still here,” Bastila said pointedly, convinced there was no argument._

_“You were given to the Council by your parents. You were taken by the Recruiting Master. I wasn’t. I was 10 years old and my parents were both Jedi. My mother was a master in charge of one the farms on Telos. My father was a ‘fallen’ Jedi which really meant he didn’t agree with the Council, so my parents gave me the choice to go into the Order or stay with them. I decided to stay with them, but that didn’t last when the Council discovered a certain power I have,” she said as Carth laid a hand lightly on her shoulder._

_“The Council does not pick and choose possible candidates simply because they have a rare or valuable ability,” Shan stated as Derrik gave her a warning tap on the shoulder._

_“How naïve are you, Bastila? Do you really believe all that? Can you even think for yourself or have you ever really tried? Do you even know how? Or is it just easier to follow blindly and hope that those you follow are right? That way you don’t have to assume any responsibility for your actions,” Antilles said as she rose to her feet._

_Everyone remained silent as Bastila looked at her in shock. “You cannot be serious, Serra. Such behavior and accusations are unbecoming of a Jedi Knight. Is this why the Council sent you to the backwater world of Taris?”_

_“I was sent to Taris because I_ requested _it, Padawan Shan. Because I wanted to be somewhere where I could help others. There were no other Jedi assigned to Taris. Only I and one other and he’s gone now. I didn’t want the spotlight treatment you seem to bask in,” Antilles said as Onasi gripped her wrist lightly._

_He dared not interfere with the conversation between the Jedi women because of the tone of Serra’s voice. All that she was saying she had held in for so long and needed to let it air. Unfortunately for Bastila, it was now aimed at her._

_Shan huffed slightly as she objected. “I do not seek such attention, Serra. You are the one who seems to be jealous of it.”_

_“You sure don’t shy away from it either, but I wouldn’t expect anything less from the darling of the Jedi,” Antilles replied as she started to walk away._

_“Are you walking away like the child you say I am? You have not even told us what your special gift is? Why would the Council force your parents to give you up as you say?” Bastila asked as Derrik closed his eyes and shook his head. The chance for a calm, peaceful resolution had come and gone._

_Carth watched as Serra turned slowly back to the young Jedi. “I can bring people back from the dead. Okay? I can bring back total strangers back, but I couldn’t help my parents or Corran. Is that what you wanted to know? Is that childish enough for you? I couldn’t save my family, Bastila! So, I guess by your Jedi definition I shouldn’t feel anything as a result of their deaths. Well, guess what Princess, I’m only human. So frak the Jedi!”_

_“You don’t know what it means to be a Jedi Serra Antilles!” Bastila declared defiantly._

_“Huh, I was going to say the same about you, but you might actually be right for once. If that’s the case, then I guess I don’t want to be a Jedi anymore,” Serra said with a shrug of her shoulders. Bastila remained quiet as the older Jedi turned to walk away again._

_As her hand slipped through his fingers, Carth called quietly after her, “Gorgeous?”_

_She didn’t turn to look at him as she walked away from the landing platform. She only shook her head as she disappeared through the trees. Everyone else looked at Bastila as she crossed her arms. Mission said, “Nice one, Bastila. Way to bring up bad memories.”_

_“Why am I being berated by a child?” the Padawan asked._

_“Because that child isn’t much younger than you and she has more sense than you apparently do,” Jolee commented as he poked the fire with a stick._

_“What? She’s 14,” the Jedi said._

_“You are the one not letting it go,” Mission observed as Carth looked down at where Serra had been._

_“Your point, Mission?”_

_“Her point beyond being a child is that you can be a real bitch sometimes, Bastila, and you don’t even know you are,” Onasi commented as he rose to his feet without looking at her._

_“Captain, that is entirely inappropriate…”_

_“Let it go, Bastila,” Derrik said as Carth went off in the direction Antilles had disappeared. “No good can come from saying anything else.”_

_She looked at the other Jedi and only nodded as the rest sat in awkward silence. All except Canderous who asked, “Is there any more of these chocolate round things with holes?”_

_  
^^^^^^^^^^^^_

__

_“Beautiful?” Carth said as he rounded a corner. She hadn’t gone back to the rooms the Wookies had provided them and he knew she wouldn’t go back to the_ Hawk _as long as Bastila was there. He’d found her leaning against a railing some ways from their block of rooms. She was looking out over the immense forest, listening to the Kashyyk night noises._

__

_When she didn’t respond, he called to again stopping a few feet from her, not wanting to invade her personal space unless beckoned to. “Ser? It’s just me…”_

__

_She nodded ever so slightly which he took to mean it was okay to approach further. As he came to a stop just behind her as she asked, “How’d you know where I was?”_

__

_He shrugged as he replied, “I just knew. You know that.”_

__

_“You’re not going all Jedi on me now are you?” she asked as she looked at him from the corner of her eye._

__

_“Hell, no,” Onasi said with a grin he almost didn’t feel._

__

_She nodded as she turned back to the dark forest. “Well, good…But it looks like you want to say something…”_

__

_He cocked an eyebrow as he said, “Oh, you can tell, can you?”_

__

_“Well, you keep drooling every time you look at me. That’s a sign I think,” she replied with sarcasm. That usually signaled him to back off._ Not this time, gorgeous…

__

_“Oh, yeah? Well listen, beautiful. I don’t need to take this abuse. I get enough female Jedi bashing from Bastila, thank you very much,” he said as she turned to face him._

__

_Relaxing with her back to the railing, elbows propping her up, she said, “Oh, so there’s something between you and Bastila is there?”_

__

_Caught off guard, Carth visibly cringed as he said, “What? No! I mean…no! Don’t be crazy!”_

__

_“So, someone would have to be crazy to like Bastila? I’ll have to tell her that,” Antilles taunted as she looked passed him toward the landing platform._

__

_“Oh no you don’t, beautiful. I’d have to shoot you down first and I’m not kidding…” he said as he realized she was trying to distract him from the real reason he had followed her out there. “Anyway, as fun…ah, as this is, I really do have to talk to you about something serious. Really serious. Is this a good time?”_

__

_She had to know he’d continue the conversation even if she said no. Serra slumped her shoulders and exhaled. “Sure. Why not?”_

__

_Carth took a moment to gather his thoughts are he tried to think of ways to say what he wanted to without angering her again. “Alright…I’m…uh…I’m concerned about you. I’ve been keeping these thoughts to myself, mostly, but I think it’s time I said something.”_

__

_“You’ve been keeping something to yourself?” Antilles asked disbelief evident in her tone._

__

_He ignored her skepticism as he continued, “It’s about you. I’m worried what might happen to you. You have a lot of courage and the fact that you’ve remained strong is amazing, but there is even greater danger ahead. I think you might be setting yourself up for a fall. Maybe at the urging of the Jedi. I don’t know…but you are defiantly going to become a target, just like Bastila, Derrik, and to a degree myself. You can’t remain anonymous on a mission like this, especially someone like you…”_

__

_Serra remained silent but he could tell she really wanted to tell him to shut up. He thought her restraint was remarkable given how she had just told Bastila off, but Onasi was sure she knew he was right. That might have been his only saving grace._

__

_He took a deep breath as he continued with his admission. “If, uh, I’m going to find some purpose beyond taking revenge on Saul, it’s going to have to be in protecting you. I don’t know why, but I think some terrible fate is waiting for you, all of us possibly. But you…I think the Jedi Council knows it, too, and that’s one of the reasons you’re on this mission. Whatever it is, I don’t want that to come to pass.”_

__

_She stood at her full height and faced him arms crossed. “You think the Jedi have finally thrown me to the wolves?”_

__

_“Don’t chalk it up to my paranoia just yet. Especially after what you said to Bastila a little while ago. Something isn’t right,” he said as he hung his head slightly ashamed. “I blamed it on you and Derrik before but I…I think the Jedi Council didn’t tell us everything.”_

__

_He looked up at her beautiful face and said quietly, “If I’m going to live past Saul, I need you to as well. Let me protect you…from the Sith, from the Jedi, from everything. You have to let me try.”_

__

_Antilles was quiet for a moment as she looked at him, her hardened features started to give way to uncertainty. “Why are you doing this?”_

__

_“Because…because I never got the chance to save my wife and son. Because I didn’t stop Saul when I had the chance. Because I finally have the chance to do it right…”_

__

_Serra’s expression became one of trepidation as he continued, “You are an extraordinary woman…You make me think that I might have some purpose beyond revenge…I don’t know if that means anything to you… but it does to me.”_

__

_Antilles looked at Carth and then at the ground. He wasn’t sure what to make of her reaction as he had a moment of doubt. Maybe he shouldn’t have told her all that. Maybe keeping it to himself would have been better…_

__

_“Carth…” she said quietly as her long brown hair shielded her face. He moved forward to close the gap between them and brought her to him in a strong embrace. Through their Force bond he felt a wave of regret and sadness revolving around Telos and Taris._

__

_“I’m here, gorgeous. I’m not going anywhere…” the ace pilot soothed as she leaned against him. He felt her take hold of his flight jacket in a firm grip._

__

_He held her for a long time as she let out a sob, releasing grief she had long held in. As she had done for him, he hoped that he had helped her deal with unresolved emotions from their tragic pasts. Only he had known she was from Telos and what her parents had been. The others had never even known of the other Jedi that had once been stationed on Taris and that they had been romantically involved. Regardless, the Captain had felt no obligation to explain anything she had said to Bastila or to the rest of the_ Ebone Hawk’s _motley crew._

__

_She whimpered once and then moved to dry her eyes and he looked down at her. Onasi tilted her head to look up at him as he wiped away a stray tear. “Gorgeous, I hate to make you cry…”_

__

_She gave him a small smile that sent relief through his soul. “You meant well, handsome.”_

__

_Her voice showed a hint of the strength he had mentioned earlier as he looked into her deep dark brown eyes. He grinned at her as he caressed her cheek. “Will you be alright?”_

__

_“Yeah, just tell me one thing,” she said as she still held onto his jacket._

__

_“Just one thing? I don’t know what else I can tell you after I just poured my heart out, gorgeous,” he said warily._

__

_“Well, I was just wondering if there was anything between you and Bastila. You two seem to be at each other’s throats half the time. Most modern relationship gurus say that means there’s some sort of attraction there…”_

__

_“You did_ not _just say that…”_

__

_She grinned at him in silence as he squeezed his eyes shut. “How could you even seriously suggest that after everything we’ve been through?”_

__

_Carth felt a hand brush the stubborn strand of hair out of his eyes. “You meant everything you said…I…It meant something to me too, Carth…I just didn’t know if you…could accept me…because I’m a Jedi—"_

__

_“You’re more than a Jedi to me. You know that, beautiful,” he admitted as she fumbled with the buckles on his flight jacket. Onasi could tell she was nervous whenever she did that. He moved to hold her closer as she looked up at him again. “I might not always say the right thing at the right time, but I’d hope of all people you’d know what I meant…”_

__

_“_ Me _of all people?”_

__

_“Yeah, you’ve kind of grown on me…not in a bad way before you even bring up fungus or something equally disgusting…” he said awkwardly as he leaned down closer to her level. “You see, I think I like having you around…”_

__

_“That would explain everything you said a little while ago a little better,” she breathed as he grazed her lips with his. Despite knowing what he was going to do, Antilles let out a gasp when he finally fully claimed her mouth. He kissed her deeply as he let one ran drop the small of her back while the other rested at the base of her neck. Carth continued the embrace when he felt her hands comb through his hair._

__

_He hadn’t intended to let it go this far, but it was one more desire he had harbored for a while—wondering what it would be like to kiss her again without anyone around or danger lurking around the next corner… He started to trail hot kisses down her jaw to her neck as she let out a soft moan. He pulled her closer to his chest as she slid one of her hand under his jacket across his stomach. The Captain inhaled sharply at her actions, not having expected her to become so bold. In response he began nipping at her neck as she made soft contented noises that sent waves of desire through him. How had it gotten this far?_

__

_“Serra…” he muttered into her ear, his breath hot across her skin. “Maybe we shouldn’t…at least not_ here _…”_

__

_Antilles let out a growl of frustration as he pulled away slightly. He looked down at her as she held a hand to his chest over his heart. “But it might piss Bastila off even more…”_

__

_“Please tell me that’s_ not _the reason we just…”_

__

_“Oh, no, no, no, but fraking her off is a nice bonus,” the Sentinel stated as she held on to him, unwilling to let go. Carth smiled as he kissed her forehead._

__

_“You do know I don’t just go around kissing random women, right?...I hadn’t planned on this happening right now, but I wasn’t oppose to it if it did.”_

__

_“I figured that, flyboy, but I…I’m still a Jedi…”_

__

_“I know…I don’t want to make you choose between me and your duty…”_

__

_“That’s just it. I’m not so sure that doing the right thing is the same as doing what the Order says to do anymore…It just doesn’t feel right,” she commented as she cupped his cheek. “But_ this _does.”_

__

_“Ser, I don’t know what kind of future we could have…I just know that I want you there with me…”_

__

_“The feeling is mutual, flyboy…”_

__

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serra's power is based off of Cade Skywalker's ability called 'Dark Transfer.' Cade is a descendent of Luke Skywalker in the Legends timeline appearing in a comic book series taking place 130 years after the Battle of Yavin IV.  
> This link gives you info on the power (which Serra will explain more of later) https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Dark_transfer  
> This link gives you info on Cade Skywalker and his power https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Cade_Skywalker


	6. Chapter 6

Two days later Serra Antilles woke up from a Jedi healing trance. She was still in the medbay but felt much better despite the constant beeping of the computers monitoring her vital signs. She looked around to see Carth asleep in a chair beside the bed, his flight jacket draped over his arms. She smiled at him as she noticed his feet propped up beside her on the mattress. The sentinel grinned as she shook her head. He’d gotten sleep like he promised, just not in the way she had thought he would.

The beeping continued but her patience was at an end. She yanked the monitoring leads from her hand causing an alarm to go off. As the high-pitched tone went off behind the ace pilot’s head, he startled awake grabbing for his blaster. He jumped up, his jacket falling to the floor. He quickly assessed the room and determined there was no immediate danger. Onasi then glanced over at Serra who was grinning ear to ear back at him.

He rolled his eyes and fell back into the chair. “You couldn’t just turn the monitors off could you?”

Antilles shook her head as she held a hand over her mouth to hide her smile. She sat up in the bed as he held his head in his hand. Carth let out a growl as he ran the same hand through his brown hair. “You are a damn frustrating woman, you know that?”

“Sorry?” she said quietly almost as a question as she suppressed a laugh.

“It’s _not_ funny, Ser,” he said looking back at her with a serious expression even though he knew she didn’t believe it.

The Jedi regarded him with a thoughtful glance. The Captain did a quick assessment of her physical appearance and demeanor. She seemed to be well on the way to a full recovery. The burns and other injuries were almost healed, just barely visible. He still wasn’t sure how she would respond to the news of Revan or if she even wanted to talk about it. He wasn’t even sure _he_ wanted to talk about it.

“What are you thinking, flyboy?” Antilles inquired as she moved closer to the edge of the bed and to him as he picked up his fallen jacket.

“Just wondering if you’re going to be okay…maybe even if _we’re_ going to be okay…” he admitted without thinking. He cut himself off once he realized what he had said.

Serra looked at him as she cocked her head. Something was bothering him, and it hadn’t started until after the events on the _Leviathan_. Something Saul or Malak had said was troubling him and it wasn’t just about their mission. It was concerning them—her and Carth and their burgeoning relationship. He didn’t really think she’d side with the Council on what Saul and Malak had said. Did he?

“Carth…”

“Look, beautiful, I don’t want to scare you or anything, and I’m not convinced this is the best time to even talk about this, but…”

“Derrik is Revan. I know. I remember…”

“Okay…well then, you, ah, you see…I…After what Saul said…”

“You’re not going to say you never want to see me again are you?” she blurted out, fear evident on her fair features.

“What? No! Why…oh, hell, gorgeous, no…I just wanted to tell you that I believe you…even though…” Carth said slowly, realizing he really wasn’t prepared to talk about it.

“Even though what? _Why_ wouldn’t you believe me? You said you trusted me, and you wanted to protect me…” Antilles trailed off as she shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

“I do, Serra. That’s never changed.”

“Then _what_ are you so afraid to tell me?”

“Saul said you were just trying to gain my trust to turn it back against me…like he had…” he admitted reluctantly as he looked at her carefully.

“You can’t believe him…I’d never do that to you…I thought you knew that…” Serra said, desperation in her voice. This has been the last thing that she’d expected to talk about when she woke.

“I do…I just wanted you to know that there was only the smallest moment of doubt, but I got over it.”

“You _got over_ it? Just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that…You are the reason I can trust someone again for crying out loud! If I can’t trust you, who the hell can I trust with my heart?” Onasi said loudly as he moved to the edge of the chair.

He’d done it again, blurted out what he really felt without thinking about it first. Dark brown eyes looked back at him in surprise. “Your heart…do you mean…”

He exhaled slowly. “I mean despite everything, I think I’m falling in love with you…”

Serra was silent for a long time as Carth watched her closely from the uncomfortable chair. His face was the picture of composure, but his hazel eyes held a question in them, one neither of them had been expecting to answer let alone ask. Now with his words hanging in the air, they both sat afraid to acknowledge what the pilot had just said.

Through the Force, Antilles could feel the shock of his admission but also his sincerity for it. She played with her hair as she concluded that they had both been avoiding the subject because of where it could lead. But after the events on the _Leviathan_ all the doubts she had been having about the Jedi seemed even more founded. She slumped her shoulders and realized that she had been denying what she knew to be true about the Jedi _and_ Carth. As she sighed softly, she balled her hands into fists around the bed’s sheets.

Antilles’ heard Onasi shift positions uneasily causing her to glance up with veiled eyes. She peered at him through her dark hair to see him looking down at the floor, a frown crossing his handsome features. When she opened her mouth to say something, he beat her to it. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that…It was a stupid mistake. I seem to make them a lot.”

“Carth…”

He rose to his feet ignoring her quiet plea. “I should go rustle up some food…I should go.”

As he walked quickly to the medbay door, Serra said louder, “Carth, wait…You don’t know what I—"

“I think I do, Serra. It’s just better this way…The mission comes first. I guess I forgot that,” the Captain replied the disappointment palpable even without a Force connections between them as the door closed loudly behind him.

Serra looked at the space he had just occupied not 10 seconds before and felt as if she’d been punched in the gut. _How did he know what she was going to say? If he had he wouldn’t have left her alone. He would have stayed…_

“I didn’t say anything. That’s why,” she berated herself in annoyance. “How could he not think the worst? I didn’t even mean to hurt him…”

Serra threw the sheets to the ground as she let out a growl of frustration. How could he even think she wouldn’t return his feelings? The Jedi be damned. She cared for him, more than a Jedi was supposed to and it felt right. It wasn’t the Darkside calling or her even trying to find a reason to leave the Order. She’d had plenty of those before even meeting the handsome pilot.

_By the Force did all men have to be so infuriating?_


	7. Chapter 7

Carth and Serra continued to work together as if nothing had happened. Well almost. Their work efficiency was still the same but the banter, teasing, and knowing looks were gone. That coupled with the revelation of Derrik’s true identity, and Bastila’s absence did nothing to improve the _Hawk’s_ morale. The rest of the crew went about their duties as if on autopilot. There was no sense of camaraderie any more, just the need to see the mission through.

The last Star Map was located on Manaan and the crew needed repairs. Mission, T3, Serra, and Carth had done all they could do to hold the old freighter together. But sooner or later something was going to give. Already the hyperdrive was starting to have fits of not wanting to work. The last battle with the _Leviathan_ had taxed its systems to the max. As Canderous took his turn at the helm, Jolee and Juhani took inventory of their supplies. Mission and Derrik plotted the most likely places to find the Star Map or people who may know something about it. The droids oblivious to the discord amongst the crew continued helping fix the battered ship, HK complaining about meatbag inefficiency the whole time. Serra was still on light duty according to Jolee but that didn’t stop her from taking a turn at the helm or patching up the ship’s systems. Carth did much the same thing just not at the same time.

Serra sat in the galley working on sorting through the last of their spare parts for the hyperdrive cooling systems. It didn’t look good. Most of the safety systems had been overridden the last time to escape the _Leviathan_. As a result, the pressures had gone higher than the tolerances allowed, and leaks were forming. Antilles sighed realizing there was no room for error anymore. One more patch and that was all she could do until they reached Manaan and they were still a day out. Hoping to the Force nothing else went wrong, she started putting the parts back in the box.

It was nearly midnight aboard the _Ebone Hawk,_ and everyone was asleep or close to it. That was all except Serra and the last person she expected to share a room with her. Carth came down the corridor from the men’s dormitory, his brown hair standing every which way as if he had just woken up. The sleepy expression he wore told her that was precisely what had happened. He squinted at the bright light in the common room and then looked at Serra.

“How can you still be awake?” he asked shuffling over to the food prep station.

“What…” she said not having thought he would really talk to her. “I was sorting through the spare parts. One more patch is all we can do.”

The Captain nodded his head as he rummaged through the food, looking for something. Deciding he wasn’t going to say anything else, she got up to take the parts back to the engine room. A soft voice stopped her. “I can still feel you, you know. You’re why I woke up.”

Antilles froze in place as he mentioned the Force bond that they shared. It had been forged several months ago when they had both been close to death during a kath hound attack on Dantooine. Carth had been less than thrilled to find out about it, but over the months he seemed to have gotten us to it. He had even learned how to block her out if he really wanted to. What made him mad the most was that someone else could be running around in his mind and that he was more Force sensitive than anyone had thought. The fact that he brought up the bond now confused her.

She turned around slowly to seem him glancing over his shoulder at her. He was perfectly calm. She furrowed her brow as she thought about how to respond. “I haven’t tried to contact or even read you.”

“I know.”

“So why bring it up? You can block me when you really want to. You didn’t even need any help to figure out how to do it.”

“It feels different now.”

“Things…It _is_ different now.”

“It shouldn’t be.”

“Wha…Why not? You didn’t let me explain or tell you anything! You just assumed!”

“Well, I was right wasn’t I?”

“Right? How could you be right when I didn’t say anything? How could it not be different when I didn’t get to say—"

“It’s because you didn’t say anything, Serra!”

She looked at him with a fury normally reserved for the Sith. She threw a hydrospanner in his general direction as she screamed, “Damn you, Carth Onasi! Damn you, the Sith, the Jedi and the whole galaxy!”

Carth watched in shocked silence as she stormed out of the galley towards the engine room. He stood there looking down at where the tool had fallen. What was that? She was the one who had not said anything. He was the one who should be angry…

Reluctantly, he opened up to the Force bond just a little. Just enough to get a sense of her emotions, as if a hydrospanner flying passed his head hadn’t told him enough. He felt anger, frustration, hurt, loneliness, despair, an emptiness where something meaningful had once been. All directed at him. _Aw, hell…_

“Get out of my mind, Onasi!” a very anger female voice called from the other room as a crash sounded.

Carth rolled his eyes as he thought about all that had happened. Things were complicated but did they really have to be? Or had he simply made it that way because the truth was he was scared to love anyone again?

More sounds echoed from the engine room as a new string of curses accompanied them. Yet something else aboard the _Hawk_ had apparently just broken. The pilot groaned and picked up the discarded hydrospanner. Suddenly steam started hissing through the corridor linking the engine room to the common room. At that same moment as small explosion resounded through the ship with a female scream. The Force came alive with pain and panic as Carth rushed toward the hyperdrive room.

“Gorgeous? Where are you, beautiful?” he yelled as he attempted to find her through the steam. Not getting a response he found the manual emergency shut off valve and turned off the cooling system. It was the only safety feature still working. At the same time Canderous boomed over the comm system, “We’ve got a problem. Dropping out of hyperspace.”

Ignoring the Mando, Onasi frantically searched for Serra. He finally found her lying on the floor underneath a section of cooling pipe. It looked as if the seam had finally burst and caught the Jedi right in its path. She writhed on the floor in pain and she kept her hand tightly clamped over her face. Carth dropped to his knees beside her as he hit the shutdown button for the hyperdrive. He held her gently by the shoulders letting her know that he was there.

Gingerly he attempted to pry her hands from her face as he soothed, “I’m here, gorgeous. Just like I promised. Not going anywhere.”

When he failed to remove her hands, Carth ran his fingers through her disheveled hair instead. He noticed how red the uncovered parts of her face and neck was. It looked as if she might have severe burns. “Serra, I need to so how injured you are.”

Her voice muffled by her hands, she choked out, “No, please, no…”

“Ser, I at least need to get you to the medbay, alright?”

When she offered no protest, he carefully lifted her up in his strong arms and made straight for the infirmary. He was met by Jolee and Derrik who immediately knew something was seriously wrong. Bindo made for the medbay and Derrik went back to the engine room with Mission and Big Z. Juhani waited just outside the medical bay in case any assistance needed to be rendered.

Carth gingerly laid her down on the bed as Jolee went for the kolto packs. She wiggled under the pilot’s caring touch as he reassured her. “You’ll be okay, beautiful. Jolee’s going to fix you up good as new.”

“What happened?” the old hermit inquired as he turned to face the bed.

Carth looked up at him. “It looked like one of the cooling system pipes burst and caught her square in the face…You can do something for her, right?”

“I need you to hold her hands. I really need to see the extent of the damage,” the older Jedi said as he brought up a scanner.

“No…don’t…”

“We have to, Serra, so we can help you. You know that. So, quit being stubborn, girl,” the healer ordered gruffly.

Carth looked at him disapprovingly as he placed his hands lightly over hers. “Ser, he’s right this time. Please?”

Reluctantly, and still fighting a little, he was able to move her hand to reveal red, swollen skin with some burns and blisters dotting her face and neck. Some of her hair had even been singed. Carth tried his hardest not to say or do anything that would cause her to think the worst. He automatically closed down any connection he’d left open with her. At the same time, Jolee began applying kolto and medicine as Serra held Onasi’s hands in a death grip. The whole time the pilot rubbed circles along the top of her hands with a calloused thumb, thinking what an idiot he’d been.

Suddenly Bindo declared he was done, anything else would have to wait until the morning to give her system a chance to recover. As the older man reached for some bandages, Antilles blinked her swollen eyelids slowly, never focusing on any one thing. Carth frowned at her actions as he asked, “Gorgeous, what’s wrong?”

“I…I can’t see…”


	8. Chapter 8

Several hours later, Carth was pacing outside the medbay door, cursing. The others watched him, as he used the more exotic curses Serra had taught him from Taris. No one was brave enough to approach the Captain as they made the approach to the Manaan system. Canderous was piloting the ship at the best speed possible while the others attempted to come up with a plan. The Star Map was still their top priority, but they were one party member down, the _Hawk_ needed major repairs, and Antilles was in no condition to help do anything. By proxy that included Onasi as well.

Finally, Derrik said, “We break up into groups. One pursues the Star Map, the second gets parts to fix the _Hawk_ , and the third does what is necessary to help Serra. We are not leaving here until all three of these goals are accomplished. But time is still of the essence.”

Everyone nodded in agreement as Carth turned to the group seated in the galley. “I’m with Serra. No matter what. I won’t leave her alone.”

Derrik nodded silently as they came to an unspoken accord. For the moment nothing would interfere with the mission. Later though…That was still up in the air.

“Me, Big Z, and T3 can go after parts for the ship,” Mission offered as the Wookie growled in agreement. “It shouldn’t be that hard to find ‘em.”

“Juhani, Canderous, HK, and myself will search for the Star Map,” Derrik stated as he checked his saber, the one Bastila had helped him construct.

“What about me, young un?” Bindo said grumpily. “I have business here too. Sundry remember?”

“What about Ser? You can’t just leave her! She can’t fraking see!” Onasi yelled as he flailed his hand helplessly.

“I can only help her so much, my boy. I will treat her like I said I would. I’ll even find a specialist on the planet to help her. But the rest is up to her. And possibly _you_ ,” said the older Jedi as he motioned toward the medbay.

Carth frowned at him but said nothing. He reached out to Serra through their bond and felt her fear and uncertainty. He lowered his head and nodded sadly.

As the rest of the team broke up into their assigned groups, Derrik approached Onasi carefully. “I promise we will find a way to return her sight to her. I will not leave this planet until that is resolved.”

Before the Captain could say anything, Karrde walked away toward the cargo bay. Onasi watched him go, wondering if that was a promise that could be kept, no matter who made it.

“I maybe blind, Onasi, but I still have ears. I can _hear_ your brooding,” Antilles said as she sat on the edge of the medical bed, her back to the door.

Carth narrowed his eyes as he fully entered the room, allowing the door to slide shut behind him. “Sorry.”

He saw her ball up her fists as she replied, “Don’t be sorry for me. I don’t want pity. I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. I’m blind not useless or broken…”

Frowning, the pilot knew she was angry not at him, but at herself. “Gorgeous?”

“I should have known that stupid thing would blow up. I should have been more careful. I’m a better mechanic than that.”

“Beautiful? You couldn’t have known…”

“Doesn’t matter now. In fact, you probably shouldn’t call me that anymore…”

Carth looked at her in surprise as she hung her head. Their bond was full of shame and anger. How could she feel that way? He walked over to her as he said, “You know that’s not the only reason I call you those things. So, what gives? Why the pity party?”

She felt the heat from his body being so close to hers. Close but not touching. She turned her head away from him. “I can’t see, Carth. What the hell good am I to anyone now? I’m a liability to the crew and the mission. I should just go to one of the other enclaves and became a teacher or something…maybe a blind hermit.”

Suddenly he was shaking her roughly by the shoulders. “Stop it, Serra! You know better than that. You _are_ better than that! I still believe in you. You know that. You will see again! So, stop this!”

She jerked her head in the direction of his voice as the feelings she’d been holding in burst out. Crying, she sobbed, “Carth, I’m scared…”

He took her in his strong arms. “I know, gorgeous. So am I. But we can get through this together.”

******

Serra had tried to get Carth to go with Derrik and the others to find the Star Map. She’d even tried to get him to go as a chaperone for Mission and her group. His stubbornness had kicked in and he had readily refused to budge from her side. Instead he kept their Force bond completely opened and always insisted that she not brood. Antilles on the other hand just wanted to be mad for a while. To try and figure out what her options were available to her. She couldn’t help but feel like a liability to everyone, especially Carth, not matter what the handsome pilot said.

Carth had taken her to a specialist that Bindo had found. The doctor had said that the superficial damage would heal, and the scarring would be at a minimum. Synth skin would be able to treat it eventually. As for the blindness, it was 50/50 whether she would get her sight back or not. The news had not settled well with Carth who was 100% more optimistic than Antilles had been.

The _Ebone Hawk_ had been on the planet for 3 days and no one had had any luck with their assigned tasks. Only Jolee had found the doctor and was meeting his old friend Sundry who seemed to be in some sort of political trouble. Regardless of the others’ progress or lack thereof, the Captain had flat out refused to leave Serra. In fact, he had insisted on renting a suite at one of the Republic friendly hotels so she could recuperate more comfortably. He was even paying for it with some money he put away in a fund since it had only been him for so long.

As she sat outside the doctor’s office, she felt the warm Manaan sun beat down on her. She tilted her head up, feeling it bath her face. She never thought she would have ever missed seeing a sun. Serra lowered her head as she felt Carth come towards her. He had been trying to see if there were any possible alternatives. His presence in the Force told her that none of them seemed very promising.

He came to a stop in front of her and placed a hand on her cheek. “Well, the Doctor is more certain than ever that I am your very annoying husband…”

Serra shook her head and felt a small grin cross her lips. The thought had never really crossed her mind before. “What did you do? Nag him to death? Usually that’s a woman’s area of expertise.”

“I’ve had lots of experience watching Bastila and Derrik…” he offered in a light tone.

Antilles nodded as her long brown hair fell into her face. “Guess you couldn’t get any better news out of him then you did when I was in there…Maybe I should look into cybernetics or implants…Might even start a new trend—"

She heard him kneel down to her leave as he brushed the hair out of her face. “Don’t even go there, gorgeous. We will get through this. Just like we’ve gotten through everything else. So, don’t get too pessimistic on me yet”

She let out a sigh as he took her hand. Hesitantly, he asked, “Do you want me to lead you or do you want to follow?”

Serra turned her head to the sound of his voice. “Just lead. I’d probably run into a rail or something and I don’t really feel like swimming with those sharks.”

Carth pulled her to her feet as he shook her head at the attempt at humor. They still hadn’t talked about Derrik being Revan or what the pilot had admitted to her several days ago now. He figured if they could work through those issues, maybe getting Serra to believe she would be able to see again would be easier.

Onasi let her loop her arm through his as they made their way back to their hotel. One new idea sprung into his mind though. What if he were her husband? Would she still try to fight him on things? Probably just as much if not more so. He banished the thought to the back of his mind for consideration later. Right now, Serra needed to know she wasn’t a burden or a liability and that he wasn’t staying with her because he felt sorry for her. The thing was he had no idea how to convince her of that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****rating change for sexual content ****

A few days later, Carth came back to their hotel suite with some supplies to find the living area totally rearranged. All the furniture was pushed back against the walls leaving the middle an empty void. As the Captain sat his bags on the couch, he glanced Jolee Bindo out of the corner of his eye. “I thought I asked you to stay with her, maybe even talk to you. Not help her destroy the place.”

The grey Jedi shrugged. “She did it. Not me. Without using the Force too. Besides she’s going stir crazy in her, my boy.”

Carth sighed and looked at just _why_ she had moved the furniture. Serra was using a practice pike to imitate lightsaber training. It was less risky, but he could tell it didn’t offer her the same sense of fulfillment. “Okay, I know. But she refuses to go out. She refuses to use the Force. She thinks it’s a crutch or something. Hell, half the time she won’t even let me hand her a drink or anything that I use to do _before_ the accident.”

“Well, that’s a problem isn’t it? Have you tried _talking_ to her about it?” Bindo asked, even though his tone said he already knew the answer.

“Yes, of course I have, but Serra is being Serra. She doesn’t want to discuss it,” Onasi said dejectedly.

“With that attitude, you’ll never get through to her…Have you even talked you about what is between the two of you?” Jolee asked as he headed towards to door.

“No…”

“Well, do it. I’m tired of babysitting you two. Derrik asked me to watch over Mission and company while they put in the parts for the cooling system,” the older ex-Jedi informed the pilot as he walked through the door. “So, you two are on your own for a few days. Derrik and the others are going to be out of contact while they look into another location for the Star Map.”

“Bindo, you can’t…”

“Yes, I can, sonny, and I just did,” the grumpy old man said with a grin as the doors hissed shut behind him.

Carth was left staring at the plate metal as Serra continued her training exercise. He hung his head. This wasn’t going to be easy…

“You know I heard all that right?” Antilles called as whipped the pike around her head.

Onasi turned red as he realized she had. “Ah, yeah. Sorry about that, gorgeous.”

“Look, I’ll put all the furniture back when I’m done. Will that make you feel better?” she offered in a mocking tone.

Onasi narrowed his eyes. He hadn’t wanted to start the morning fighting, but her tone set something off inside him. “That was uncalled for, Serra. All I did was voice my concerns to Jolee. You don’t have to be so defensive.”

She paused in mid-motion, turning in the direction of his voice. “ _I’m_ the one who can’t see, Onasi. How am I _supposed_ to be?”

“Well, for starters, you could go into a damned healing trance like you’re supposed to, and you could let me fracking help you every once in a while. It wouldn’t kill you. You’re just too damn proud to admit that you might need it,” Carth said loudly as he walked toward her.

“Proud? I’m not the one who couldn’t trust anyone simply because they were a Jedi! And just because I’m a Jedi doesn’t mean that a healing trance will automatically fix my sight,” she launched back as she leveled the pike between her and his approaching presence.

“I told you I trusted you, more than once! And going into a trance couldn’t hurt anything! So, what’s your real problem with me and the trance?” he demanded as he came to a stop mere inches from her.

She could feel the anger radiating off of him just fine without the Force. “Because you wouldn’t let me say anything! You assumed you knew what I was going to say! Just like you always do when you don’t get the immediate response you want.”

Onasi clenched his fists as he fumed. “You didn’t really seem too eager to say anything…”

“You can be such an ass…How can I answer when you walk away?”

He sighed heavily, trying to control his temper. Fighting with her really wasn’t the way to solve the problem but she knew the right buttons to push. “Fine. I’m standing right here. Tell me _now_.”

She shook her head ‘no’ as she lifted the pike up higher. Carth finally lost control of his temper and grabbed the weapon. Retching it from her grasp, he tossed it across the room. “Wha—“

“I’ve had it with you saying no,” he drawled as he leaned forward and pulled her tightly to his chest. He claimed her lips in a forceful kiss as she struggled in his arms. The pilot refused to let go even as she continued to fight him. He pulled away a little to whisper, “I love you, Ser.”

He felt her struggles ease as he started to stroke her hair. “I love you so much. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you and you being so distant…it’s like I’ve lost you even though I can still reach out and touch you…”

“I can’t see you…” she said, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter to me. You know that. I still love you and I think you love me…but I shouldn’t assume…” he replied pulling back from her to see her face.

“Shut up, of course I love you…You wouldn’t let me—"

He kissed her again, gently this time as he pulled the tie out of her hair. The long brown locks fell around her shoulders, as he scooped her up and took her to the bed room.

She pulled back in surprise. “What are you doing?”

“Something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, beautiful.”

“But…but I’m blind…” she protested weakly, knowing that excuse wouldn’t fly with him.

“Then I’ll turn the lights off to make it fair…”

“Carth?”

“If you aren’t ready, I understand.” He offered as he held her firmly in his arms, his tone gentle and accepting.

“No, I…it’s just been a long time…”

“For me too, gorgeous. If you want to wait, we can…”

“You would do that for me?” she asked wishing she could see his handsome features.

“Of course, I would…I love you.”

She smiled at him as he moved closer to the bed, shutting off the lights and closing the shades as he did. “You have more patience than you led on.”

“I have to when you’re concerned…most of the time.”

“Am I really that bad?”

“No more so than I am. I’m a hairless Wookie, remember?”

“I thought you were a Gamorrean pigman.”

“Well, that too, depending on who you talk to…”

“What about your man feelings?”

“They are telling me to do this…” he replied as he dipped his head to kiss her gently as she stood at the foot of the bed. She responded by encircling his neck with both her arms around his neck. She whined slightly as he bent down to place her on the bed and broke their embrace. “Wait a minute, gorgeous…”

Serra sat on the bed, silently wondering what he was doing. She could hear a rustle of clothes and what sounded like pillows. Finally, she whispered, “Carth, what are you—"  
  


A set of lips covering hers cut her off once again as she felt strong hands grasp her shoulders. “Just trying to make things easier, beautiful.”

Antilles moved a hand to cup his cheek as he knelt on the bed beside her. She felt his shirt but not flight jacket. Taking that as an invitation to explore, she used her other hand to stroke his chest. His breath was hot on her ear as he said, “You can do more of that if you want…”

Serra smiled despite herself as she tilted her head up toward his voice. Maybe one didn’t need to see to do everything…

Suddenly she looked away from the Captain, pulling her hands back at the same time. Onasi felt her change in mood as he grabbed at her retreating hands. “Gorgeous, we can get through this. If you aren’t ready we’ll stop. You know that.”

“Carth, I’m sorry. I just don’t…”

"Don't… please just listen to me." He said rubbing the palm of her hands with his thumbs. "Seeing you like that on the _Leviathan_ , feeling how cold you got. I thought you were dead…When I carried you off that damn ship, your body was limp and I just…I was so scared I lost you… it was like reliving the death of my wife in some strange way."

His heart raced in his chest. He had to make her understand. "I realized in the moment that I love you more than I thought I could love anyone again."

He heard her make a noise of surprise in the dark but to her credit she let him finish telling her what he had to before he lost the nerve. "I don't ask you for anything in return… I know Jedi's are not supposed to have relationships and I get that. But damn it… It doesn’t feel right not to have these feelings.”

Serra could sense the frustration streaming off the man sitting next to her as his hands reflexively tighten around hers. "That's not true… I do want you to care about me…I know you do, but I don't want you to sacrifice being a Jedi to be with me. I couldn't do that. You deserve better than me."

She’d listened to him in complete silence as he confessed everything to her she’d already known. But finally hearing it voiced was so much more than she had expected. His words felt right but the last part. Suddenly she found herself admitting something she had only ever said in anger, "I would leave the Jedi…for a lot of reasons. One of the big ones is you…"

She had kept her feelings for him hidden from the others except the night she’d yelled at Bastila. The truth was that she really had been considering leaving the Order even before the _Endar Spire_ had crashed on Taris. Finally voicing the truth felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders as she waited for his response.

Antilles heard a gasp of disbelief as she imagined the confused look on his face. His head would have been cocked to one side as that stubborn piece of brown hair fell into his face. She couldn’t help but smile into the darkness as she heard him reply, "What? …You would give up your dreams to be with me? Why? I'm just a solider, a no one."

Carth couldn't wrap his mind around the fact the Serra would give up something she worked so hard for just to be with him. He didn't think he was worthy of anyone's love; he was damaged goods with far too much baggage.

"Because Carth, since I met you on Taris I have been taken aback with your passion to make the galaxy a better place. You made me realize that my dreams are not the same as the Jedi. Becoming a Jedi was _never_ a dream of mine. What I believe is right is not the same as what they believe. It never really has been…You loved your wife; I would never ask you to love me like the way you loved her. But I've known for a while that I care deeply about you and I would give up everything if it meant I could have a chance to have you love me even a tenth of how much you loved your wife," she admitted quietly as she realized just how stubborn they had both been aboard the _Hawk_ the past few days since the _Leviathan_.

"Serra…" Carth said softly moving closer to her and letting go of her hands and taking her face in his rough hands. "I didn't think you felt like that… I would have never guess—" Antilles cut the pilot off by closing the gap between their them. When their lips touched it felt like she was on fire. Carth let his hands fall away from her face and move their way down towards her waist pulling her closer to him. It had been a very long time since he had felt like this about anyone. Her very essence sent chills throughout his entire body.

Slowly he moved forward and eased Serra back on the bed, all the while never breaking the kiss. Leaning over her, he broke the kiss for a moment to look down at the woman who had stolen his heart. She ran her hands through his thick hair as she said, “I love you, Captain Onasi.”

Carth couldn’t help but let a goofy smile spread across his face as he held her by the waist. The tone of her voice let him know she didn’t need sight to know what he was doing. “You’re wearing that silly grin of yours aren’t you?”

“My grin is _not_ silly,” he protested lightly as he dipped his head to plant light kisses along the hollow of her neck.

"Hmmm…I like that…" Antilles purred as she began running her smaller hands up his chest and out to his broad shoulders. She felt him shiver as she explored his upper body. They had had intimate moments before, but they had been stolen when the rest of the crew was not around. The cock pit, the cargo bay, even the engine room…

The female Jedi forced herself to focus on the man showering her with all the love and attention he had hidden from her since the accident that had robbed her of her sight. Maybe they would find a way for her to regain her vision, but until then…

A voice brought her out of her attempt at self-pity. “I’m right here, gorgeous, with you. I’m not going anywhere…unless you tell me to, and then I ain’t going far.”

Serra sighed and hugged herself to his chest tightly. Force bond or not he always seemed to know what to say, even if it fell out in a jumbled mess sometimes. “Ser, Ana was my first love. I want you to be my last…”

She had no idea what to say as he rubbed her back gently. Instead she rested her forehead against his shoulder as she let him push her gently down to the mattress. He leaned over her, running a hand through her long brown hair. “Do you think that’s possible?”

“Well, I don’t know. I’ll have to check my appointment calendar and see if I’m available for such a long period of time…” she teased as he stretched out over her. Laying half on the bed, half on her.

Huskily he said, “Not good enough.”

Suddenly, Carth claimed her mouth in a demanding kiss betraying the control and restraint he had been exerting for a long time. Serra made a noise of surprise at his roughness. She knew he was capable of it but hadn’t expected such an action. Despite the suddenness of it, she found herself willingly responding to him. She let him move to lie on top of her fully as she moved her hands from his shoulders to his back. She suddenly found his long-sleeved black shirt very annoying. She pulled at the material as Carth let out an amused growl.

“I thought you liked my shirt,” he whispered into her ear as he nipped at the sensitive skin around it. “I seem to remember you looking really good in it…”

As he gently blew into her ear, she shivered and arched her back against him. Carth responded by nipping again at her exposed skin with his teeth. His hands swept up her sides causing her to gasp, first with pleasure and then in pain as he encountered one of the remaining bruises from the ordeal on the _Leviathan_ across her ribs. He opened his eyes in concern. Serra could feel his alarm through their Force bond but shook her head and gently placed a hand on his cheek. When he nodded his understanding, she pulled his head back down and kissed him hungrily. With a growl, he moved his hands to her breasts, caressing and squeezing with equal parts passion and tenderness. As they both struggled to catch their breath, she ran her hands over him but kept encountering the damn shirt instead of the skin.

" _Off!"_ Antilles commanded, tugging at his shirt. Carth tried to help without stopping their kiss. Between the two of them, they managed to wrestle it off of him. His muscles were as hard as she remembered them from their previous stolen moments together. She rubbed her hands over his strong back and her mouth over his equally impressive chest. The pilot was not shy about returning the favor. He did everything by feel, keeping the lights out as he had promised to make things fair. He traced her scars with his fingers as he found them through the material of her own tank top.

He let out a growl of frustration as he realized just how annoying a piece of material could be. He grabbed her arms and pushed her down, crushing Serra against the mattress. "You, too," he said, sliding himself against the Jedi, teasing and torturing her. He grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her head back, nibbling his way down her neck while he kept her pinned to the bed with his hips. Serra used the leverage of the bed, arching her back to press harder against him, encouraging him to take her shirt off. He lifted her slightly and tugged the stubborn tank top over her head. Discarding the unwanted clothing, he laid her back onto the bed, burying his face in her shoulder.

“Carth?” she called into the darkness, confused by his sudden stillness. Her hands rested lightly on his shoulders as she felt his emotions swirl in the Force like a storm.

“I’m sorry, Ser. I’m so sorry. I should have let you talk. I should have given you the time you needed. If I had you might still be able to see…”

“Flyboy,” she said softly as she ran her hands through his thick hair. “Don’t think that. It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident. Just like you said.”

“I pushed you away because I was impatient, and you went off by yourself when I should have been helping you—"

Suddenly he felt her kissing his forehead as she pulled him to her. “You said we could get through anything, just like we have from the beginning. Believe that now and know that I don’t blame you for anything. I love you.”

Onasi stroked her face tenderly as she ran her fingers over his face, trying to remember his features by touch. “You mean that.”

“Yes,” she said simply as he leaned in and kissed her again. She moved against him to let him know she still wanted to finish what they had started a few minutes before.

Carth let out a throaty growl as he began nibbling at her jaw and neck again. “Are you sure you still want this, gorgeous?”

“Are you trying to get out of this now? You’re the one who started this,” she said playfully as she wrapped a leg around his waist.

He moved down to her collar bone as his hand slid to her breasts once more. “Why would I want to get out of making you squeal like this?”

He began kneading her breasts through her bra as she kissed the valley between them. She made a noise of surprise as he pulled the piece of clothing down and took one of the newly exposed nipples in his mouth. As the Captain licked and sucked one, he teased the other until it was hard. She moaned as she writhed in pleasure under his ministrations. Her fingers dug into his back as she whimpered his name.

Carth pulled back slightly as he asked, “Yes, beautiful?”

“Please…”

“Anything for you, beautiful,” he said as he felt her tug on his pants. He lifted himself a little to better escape his pants as they both pulled them off.

Once the pants were discarded, Serra hesitantly moved a hand to stroke his manhood. It was just as hard as it had been before. She smiled to herself as he let out a moan and gripped her upper arms tightly. “Serra…”

She obliged his needy tone and started pulling his underwear off as he unfastened her bra. Roughly, he yanked her pants off and then began kissing her newly exposed skin hungrily. Serra began stroking him, feeling his hardness as she finally shed his underwear. The soldier’s breath shuddered in her ear, and she smiled, rubbing his now full erection. She raised her hips again and slid along his length. Carth yanked off her panties as he snarled in aggravation. “Too many clothes.”

As the pile of unwanted clothing grew, Onasi moved over her now completely naked form. She braced her arms against his shoulders as she wiggled her hips underneath him. He grinned at her eagerness. He’d dreamed of this moment for a long time and thankfully that despite everything that occurred she still wanted to be with him. “Flyboy, please…”

“Almost there, gorgeous,” he replied to her plea as he positioned his manhood over her most private spot. As she felt his length rub her, she gave a low moan. Smiling at her response, he slid back and forth on her wetness, her small nub swelling with each pass. He could feel her wet heat on his thigh. Groaning, he settled her against his erection as Serra reached between them, stroking him, gently massaging his sac. Carth's hands cupped her breasts, lifting the nipple of one, then the other to his mouth.

The whimpers and moans that emanated from her, undid him. Pushing her legs apart with his thigh, he settled, and claimed her breasts. Suckling, swirling his tongue, he moved between each, leaving her breasts wet with his kisses and her nipples hard. Serra whispered his name, urging him on.

Keeping his mouth to her, his hand slid down her stomach, parting her folds, before dipping into her. Carth grinned, feeling very satisfied at how hot and wet she was for him. Kissing her stomach slowly, his mouth left a trail of wet kisses against her skin until he arrived at her folds. “Carth, you don’t have to do that…”

“I want to, gorgeous. Let me,” he said as she made a sound of approval. Serra’s arms went above her head and grabbing blindly at a pillow, as he slowly parted her to caress her arousal with his tongue. Slipping two fingers into her, he matched the rhythm of his tongue to the pumping of his fingers.

Serra could not control her hips. She lifted them from the bed, her body urging her handsome flyboy to join her. "Carth, please!" she begged, but he would not relent. Shuddering against his mouth, his fingers sank deeper into her, taking her through to the end. Her hips dropped onto the bed, and she tossed her head to the side, panting hard. The Captain growled and lifted himself back up her body, kissing her passionately again.

"I need you, Ser," he whispered hoarsely.

Eagerly, Serra returned his kisses and reached down to him, stroked his length, and guided him to her. Carth could feel the pleasure she felt through their Force bond as he slowly pushed forward and filled her. The tightness remaining from her intense orgasm squeezed him, eliciting a deep moan. She bit into his shoulder and wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, before whispering, "Please, please, please…" He needed no other encouragement.

Onasi pulled out half way and pushed back into her, his eyes rolling in pleasure. The few times he had allowed himself to think about how it would be with her, he’d never thought it would be this good. She was already raising her hips to meet his next thrust, and he allowed her need to control their pace.

Pumping into her while pinning her hands above her head, he captured a nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue against it as he leaned forward to deepen his thrusts. Feeling her begin to tighten around him, he pushed deeper and deeper, making sure he reached just the right spot. He continued the pattern, each time coming closer to the edge until she lifted her hips high with a scream of pleasure. Her shuddering muscles rippled on his member, bringing on his own climax. The pilot poured himself into her with one last, heavy, thrust as she went nearly limp beneath him.

Coming down from their conjoined high, they sought each other in a fiery kiss. Serra released her legs from around his waist as he slowly pulled out and turned onto his back. He pulled her with him, shifting so she could rest her head under his collar bone.

Eventually, they recovered from their exertion, Serra settled fully against his side, their legs intertwined. He rubbed lazy circles along her back as she rested an arm across his chest.

Carth felt her tiredness through the Force as he stroked her cheek. "I’ll be here when you wake," he promised. "I ain’t going anywhere without you, gorgeous."

Serra raised her hand and touched his face, "I love you, Flyboy," she whispered. Together they drifted off to sleep, their problems forgotten for at least a little while.


	10. Chapter 10

Carth rolled over, stretching out an arm. As he reached for Serra, he felt her, but he immediately knew something was wrong. She didn’t stir and her body felt cooler than it should have. He bolted up right in the bed and leaned over the sleeping woman. Gently shaking her, he called her name. There was still no response from her. He looked at her and noticed the slow rhythm of her breathing. She lay perfectly still on the bed beneath him with her long dark hair framing her peaceful face on the pillow.

A split second before panic set in, he remembered what Jolee had said about her needing to heal herself. She couldn’t or rather wouldn’t do that until the issues between them had been resolved. Had the previous afternoon really been that important to her? It had been to him. So much had been said and done…

Carth kissed her forehead and lay back on the bed. Pillowing his head with his arms, he gazed out the window. It was still early by Manaan local time. The dawn light was just starting to peak through the drawn curtains as he wondered if it had been her own stubbornness and their issues that had kept her from healing properly. The still present bruise he’d found the previous night should have been healed by now. All her previous injuries had always healed with in a day or two. Or at least that was what he had noticed about her particularly powerful healing ability.

_Why would you do that to yourself, beautiful? You can’t want to stay like that…Did I hurt you that much? I’m sorry, Ser…_

As Onasi closed his eyes he could have sworn he heard a soft voice in his mind say, _Not your fault, handsome…_

Real or imagined it was enough to bring a smile to his wary features as he drifted off to sleep again.

_~~~~~~_

_“Medic! Medic!” he screamed for the millionth time._ Why weren’t they coming?

_“Carth, it’s…alright…” a soft voice croaked._

_He looked down to the red headed woman in his arms. Morgana managed a small smile despite the pain she was obviously in. He shook his head as he gently held her tighter. “Don’t leave me, sweetheart. Just hold on a little while longer. Please?”_

_“You have to find Dustil. No matter what. Find our boy,” she said as she held a shaky hand to his stubble covered cheek._

_“I will, but you’re going to see him again. And we’re all going to be together…” he said, his voice shaking._

_“Not this time, Onasi. You have to go on without me…Find Dustil and be happy…”_

_“Ana? No! You can’t---“_

_“Be happy, Carth. For me. I’ll always love you. I’ll always be here. Always…” she said placing her hand over his heart as she grew quieter._

_“Stay with me…Medic! Please don’t leave me…”_

_“Find Dusty…Be happy…I love you, Carth Onasi…”_

_Her hand fell from his chest as tears openly flowed from the pilot’s eyes. He held his wife to his chest as he screamed at the murderer who was no longer there. “I’ll kill you Saul. You bastard! If it’s the last thing I do!”_

_~~~~~~_

“Damn it…” Carth mumbled as he woke up, feeling like he had a hangover. He had agreed to accompany Derrik to the research station as long as Jolee stayed with Serra. She was still in a trance three days later.

Mission and Zalbarr had agreed also agreed to takes turns with Jolee watching the sleeping Jedi as Onasi, HK-47, and Juhani accompanied Derrick searched the last Star Map. It went against his better judgment to leave Antilles side and to trust the amnesiac Revan, but Serra would want him to do everything possible to help end the war quickly. The only thing that had bothered the pilot more was being underwater for such a long time. He was used to space and seeing stars. Not staring down animal life that would eat you for their next meal. Space battles he could handle, man eating fish not so much.

He ran a hand through his hair as he turned to glance over at the pillow next to him. The spot where Serra _should_ have been was gone. Carth instantly became fully alert as he surveyed the bedroom. Groping for his trusted blaster, he found Antilles standing by the balcony wearing only one of his shirts. Her long brown hair flowed freely around her as the breeze moved the shirt in the same manner. The bright morning light reflected around her, hitting all the right spots to remind Onasi once again how beautiful she was.

Still on edge from the last mission and that dream of Ana, he let go of the blaster slowly as he remembered he was in the suite with Antilles and that Jolee had said she’d made major improvements while he was gone. He stared at the floor as he exhaled slowly. Ana had wanted him to be happy and to find Dustil. He had done both of those things because of the woman he was now giving his heart to. He’d done what he had promised despite his lust for revenge. Serra had saved him from his own anger and hatred. _Ana wanted me to be happy. Was that dream her way of letting me know it was alright to finally move on?_

He rose to his feet, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Onasi moved toward the woman whom he would die to protect as the breeze caught him across his bare chest. He couldn’t help but grin as he remembered summers on Telos by the ocean. How he wished he could take her to that ocean now for just a few hours, away from the war, duty, responsibility, everything.

He stopped mere inches from her as she cocked her head slightly, indicating that she knew he was there. He put his hands on her shoulders, just barely grazing them. “Morning, gorgeous. Glad to see you up and about.”

“Glad to see you back in one piece, handsome,” she replied with a grin as she turned to face him.

He noticed the excitement in her tone and the happiness her presence in the Force radiated. He looked at her closely, her burns and scratched were healed. But something else seemed different. She seemed more content in the Force, in herself. He gently traced her jaw with his thumb as he asked, “Were you worried about me or something?”

“Well, yes. But I knew you’d come back. Of all the things in this universe that could get you, a shark was not going to be it,” she said with a smirk as she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought his head down to her level.

“You know me so well to know me only a few months?” he quipped as she tipped her head up to kiss him. He pulled her against his chest as her shirt rode up, exposing more leg. He pinned her to the balcony wall with his leg between hers. She responded by giggling and tickling his neck.

Onasi shivered as the ocean breeze blew across them. Slowly his hands moved down her ribs to her waist. He playfully pulled at the shirt as she hiked one leg up against his thigh. His calloused hand dropped down to her bare leg to caress the exposed skin. She moaned with pleasure as he nibbled her earlobe. “Are you really okay, Ser? I don’t want to do anything to compromise you recovery…”

“Making me scream your name is not detrimental to my recovery in any way. Trust me, flyboy,” she assured him as she raked her finger nails lightly over his back.

He let out a low growl as he moved his hand to her inner thigh, brushing against her underwear. “Do that again and there will be consequences, beautiful.”

“Hmmm, I think that is something I’d like to see,” she purred as he did it again. Only this time she blew gently into this ear.

“Serra,” he said huskily as he claimed her lips in a passionate kiss. _She’s alright, even if she’s still blind, we’ll make everything work. Still blind…Wait a minute…_

_Glad to see you back in one piece, handsome…_

_I think that is something I’d like to see…_

He pulled back and looked closer at her brown eyes. They looked…clear…and focused…on him. “Ser…can you…see me?”

She cocked her head again this time with a broad grin. “You’re a little fuzzy, but it’ll do for now. We can just pretend I drank too much Tarisian ale.”

“Serra, you, ah beautiful, that’s great to hear,” the captain said as he swept her off her feet and swung her around in a circle.

“Which part? Me being able to see or me pretending to be drunk?” she teased as he sat her on the railing.

He glared at her. “You seeing, you frustrating woman.”

“Good, because I hate pretending to be drunk. Intoxicated males trying to hit on me never did anything for me,” she said as she placed a hand on his chest.

“Well, if anyone ever hits on you again they have to go through me. Besides I thought you liked brooding, antisocial, whiney pilots,” he said as he absentmindedly played with her hair.

“I never said you were whiney. As I remember I got on to people who said you were whiney,” she corrected as he looked down as their free hands intertwined. She noticed his sudden thoughtful demeanor and moved the hand from his chest to the back of his neck. She began rubbing it. “Carth, what’s wrong?”

“Do you want to stay with me? After everything is over, if we’re still…here. Do you want to be with me?” he asked softly, refusing to meet her eyes.

She regarded him intently as massaged his neck. Was she really hearing fear in his usually strong, confident voice? He continued, “You didn’t answer my question the other night when we…made love. I want you to be my last love, because I love you with every fiber of my being and can’t imagine this life without you in it.”

“Carth, of course I want to be with you. I want the same things you want. I love you, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that happens,” she replied as she kissed his forehead.

He finally looked up at her, his soulful hazel eyes meeting loving brown ones. He moved both of his hands to cup her cheeks. “Marry me, Ser. Be my wife.”

Antilles could feel her cheeks burning as she leaned forward and kissed him. “I will, flyboy. You know I will.”

Onasi pulled her off the railing into his strong arms, as he felt a wave of relief and rightness sweep over him. For the first time in a long he looked forward to the future instead of dwelling in the past. He held her close as he realized he had nothing to show for their engagement. He looked down at his chest and saw something shiny. _Maybe that would do until I can get a ring…_

Serra watched as a still fuzzy Carth pulled his dog tags off and put them around her neck. He glanced at her, a little embarrassed. “This was kind of a spur of the moment thing. I had been thinking about it, a lot, but hadn’t gotten anything, the _right_ thing. And I doubt I’d find something non-fishy here.”

She looked at him with a grin as she cocked her head. He asked sheepishly, “Will this do for now?”

“Well, don’t you need to keep one? You know so that you don’t get in trouble with the brass upstairs?” she asked as she took the tags in her hands. They both had his name, rank, serial number, and branch of service.

“Umm, yeah. I’ll get another chain later. Will you keep one for now?” he said covering her hand with his.

“Of course, I will, flyboy, but what if I want to keep it afterward. Would that be okay?” she asked shyly as he looked at her closely.

“You want to keep it? Really? Why?” he asked genuinely curious.

“Because it’s yours and…if anything happens…I just want something this time…”

Carth looked at her closely as she averted her eyes. “Gorgeous, nothing is going to happen.”

“You can’t promise that, Carth…”

“I…I know that. But you have to have faith,” he said as he lifted her chin to look into his eyes. He added with a smile, “Maybe even in that Force thing you Jedi use.”

“That Force thing is what allowed me to see again after someone kindly kicked some sense into me,” she replied as he kissed her neck. She tilted her head to allow him more access. “Hmmm, I like that.”

“Well, you know we only have a few hours before we leave here because I have to tell the others that you’re better,” he said as he continued down to her collarbone. “So, we should make the most of them…”

“No, objection here,” she said softly as he chuckled into her shoulder. “But I think I might like the bed better.”

“Want the lights on or off?” he asked as he carried her over to the bed.

“Umm, on?”

“On it is,” he agreed as they started kissing. If only the moment could last…


	11. Chapter 11

“Carth, why do you like to fly the ship in the dark?” Antilles asked as they traveled through hyperspace to the location of the Star Forge. They were still a couple days out from their target after having resupplied the _Hawk_.

The Captain was as usual sitting in the copilot’s seat in the dark watching the stars pass by. The Jedi stood behind the chair shaking her head as she wondered just what she had gotten herself into by agreeing to marry him, assuming they survived the assault on the Star Forge. It would be interesting to say the least. But she still wanted to know why he always sat in the dark, even when they were planet-side…

She looked down as he shrugged. “Just a habit I guess.”

“Carth…” she said softly as she knelt down beside him.

He turned to her as he said, “You’re a damn persistent woman, you know that?”

“So, I’ve been told more than once,” she said with a grin. “And may I remind you that _you_ are the one who asked me to marry you.”

“I think I remember doing that,” he said pulling the dog tag out from underneath her shirt. “But I think that was one of the smartest things I ever did.”

“Hmmm, you’re right,” she stated simply as he pulled her into his lap.

“Do you really want to know why I sit in the dark?” he asked as he played with her hair.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t, flyboy,” Serra replied as she fingered the buckles of his flight jacket.

He let out a breath and then explained, “I miss looking up at the night sky on Telos and seeing stars. That’s it. That’s why I do it…It sounds stupid I know. We’re in space surrounded by stars all the time and I miss looking at them from far away on solid ground.”

“It’s not stupid especially if you miss looking at them with someone…” she said softly wondering if she had said something she shouldn’t have.

Onasi was quiet for a long time as he continued to play with her long hair. Finally, he hugged her tightly as he said, “I—we—Ana and me, we’d stay out late after the sunset to watch the stars come out. It was something we did on our first sort of date and we just kept doing. Whenever I was home we made sure we did it at least once. She even said she did it when I wasn’t home. She said she could see the stars and know where I was. That she could feel me through the Force, and I was just as stubborn and annoying as I was in person. But she knew it was me and knew I was safe.”

Serra didn’t know what to say as she stared at his chest. He had only mentioned his wife a few times before and never in so much detail. It had always upset him to mention her, but not now. She’d talked to him about Corran more than he had about Ana. But they were supposed to be married after everything was over. Didn’t that mean they were supposed to share things like that? If so why did it feel so awkward to her?

“Hey, beautiful, you still with me?” the soldier asked with concern as he hooked his finger underneath her chin. As he tilted her head up to look at him, he saw that she was conflicted about something. “What’s wrong?”

“I—nothing really. It’s just that you’ve never really mentioned your wife like that before…” she said softly.

“Well, I’m better now, I guess, and I think I should be able to talk to you about things like that now,” he explained as she shifted in his lap. “So, there’s actually something else I should probably tell you.”

“The reason Dustil is Force-sensitive is because his mother was a Jedi, well not a full Jedi. She made it to her Trials and her last one it turned out was me. She decided she wanted a ‘life’ as she called it with me. So, the Master she was training with somehow or another got the Jedi to let her go and we got hitched and a couple years later Dustil came along,” Carth explained, finding it easier to tell her then he had originally thought.

“She was a _Jedi_?” Serra repeated dumbfounded.

“Yeah,” Carth replied as he ran a hand sheepishly through his hair.

“So, you have a thing for female Jedi even though you dislike Jedi?” she asked narrowing her eyes. “That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“Hah, how did I know you were going to say that?” he asked as he smiled at her nervously.

“You are an _ass_. All those times you said Jedi couldn’t be trusted and you were married to one! That’s…You’re just an ass,” she declared as she crossed her arms over her chest.

He leaned forward to look at her. “I love you.”

Serra sighed. “I love you too.”

The pilot smiled in relief as she added, “You’re still an ass.”

“Yes, but I’m _your_ ass,” he beamed at her as she rolled her eyes. He caught her lips in a gentle kiss as if to apologize for annoying her. She purred in contentment as the stars continued to streak passed them outside the cockpit. At least for the next little while there would be peace before the final battle started.


	12. Chapter 12

According to the _Ebone Hawk’s_ navicomputer, they were less than 24 hours out from the Unknown Star System that the Star Forge called home. During the past few weeks, Serra and Carth had come to an understanding: the pilot called a truce with Derrik until the mission was over while Serra had decided to talk to the man once called Revan. Onasi didn’t care for the arrangement that much but knew it was useless to talk his now fiancée out of something once she had put her mind to it. However, Antilles had yet to come up with an appropriate way to approach the subject with Karrde. When in doubt, Serra had started adopting the usual tactic of her handsome pilot--be direct, blunt, and hope you didn’t wind up with your foot in your mouth.

She stood just outside the cockpit watching the other Jedi check on the various readouts. It was his turn to sit in the cockpit and be bored as he put it. While he could fly a ship, Derrik did not understand the fascination she and Carth had for the room. He found it tedious and mind-numbing. With nothing to do, he often had made use of the comm system singing to or just annoying the others because he could, especially Bastila. But all that had ceased since the _Leviathan_.

“I know you’re there, Antilles,” he called flatly as he reclined in the seat.

She shrugged as she moved into the cockpit, closing the door behind her.

“Are you are that is a good idea? I don’t want your Republic Captain thinking I’m trying to brainwash you or take advantage of you,” he said sarcastically.

“I’m a big girl and Carth knows exactly what I’m doing. We have a little agreement when it comes to you. Either way, you’re safe from any wrath from the Captain until after the mission is complete. You have my word,” she said standing behind the co-pilot’s chair. “Besides what I want to say to you doesn’t include Carth. He’ll have to come to his own conclusions about you.”

“But you’re already come up with your own,” he observed without turning to look at her.

“Does that surprise you?”

“No, you always have your own opinions. You just don’t always share with the group,” he commented with a hint of humor in his voice.

Serra lifted an eyebrow as he sighed. “So are you on the ‘let’s kill him when the mission is over side’ or the ‘totally forgiven without reservation side’?”

“Neither,” she said simply.

Derrik finally turned to look at her like she’d said she was rancor. When she didn’t elaborate, he commented, “I was unaware there was a third option. Granted I think I’d like to hear it. Maybe it will make my split personality thing go away or at least make sense.”

Antilles shook her head. “Revan, you, are responsible for the death of my family and the destruction of my word. You shattered my life.”

He looked at her as the hope he’d felt began to fade. She held up her hand to indicate she wasn’t done. “Derrik, _you_ , saved my life, gave me a new family, and helped me decide the right path I need to follow.”

He frowned as he said, “I’m the same person.”

“No, no you’re not,” she clarified. “You were once Revan, but he died onboard that ship…The Jedi Council may have created Derrik Karrde, but you have a choice, a crossroads you will soon be at. You will have to choose what to do with who you are _now_. Will you let the Sith or the Jedi tell you who you are, or will _you_ decide who you are? In the end only you can decide what to do because ultimately it will be you who has to answer for all that has happened in your life.”

“The universe does not give second chances often. Make sure you choose your path wisely, Derrik,” she said as she turned from him.

“You don’t hate me?”

“No, actually I don’t. I find that I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes, but I hated Revan and Malak. But I don’t see Revan when I look at you. I see someone I would like to call a friend again and someone who really needs to get Bastila laid,” she added with her usual dry humor.

“I’ll work on that,” he said as she turned to walk away. He added softly. “Thank you.”

^^^^^^

“You talk to him?” Carth asked as he leaned against the door way to the woman’s dormitory. He crossed his arms as his presence in the Force re-enforced what she already knew. He was not happy that she had gone to talk to the other Jedi but even less so because she had insisted on doing it without him.

“Yes, Mister Noisy,” she said as she glared up at his taller form.

“I just want to know what’s going on. You’re kind of my responsibility now…” he replied simply unfazed by her glare.

“I can still take care of myself…but I appreciate your concern and any help you may render now and then,” she said with a suggestive grin.

As she ran a hand underneath his jacket, the pilot snatched her other hand and roughly pulled her to him. “Don’t tease if you don’t intend to finish what you started.”

“Well, as much as I would like to finish what I suggested, it’s a little hard to find privacy aboard this tin can,” she observed as she gazed her lips over his.

He let out a groan as he agreed, “Tell me about it. When this is over I’m taking an extended leave. Even I think I’ve had too much staying aboard a ship. And I never thought I’d say that.”

As he relaxed his grip on her, he asked, “So everything is okay with Rev—Derrik—whatever he is calling himself?”

_“Derrik_ and I think talking to him helped. I think he’ll do the right thing,” Serra replied as she straightened the soldier’s jacket.

“Ummm, I guess. You can be pretty persuasive sometimes. But I don’t know. There’s still something…a doubt…”

“I’d think there was something wrong if you didn’t have a doubt about something. But look I think he can make the right choice. He just has to have the right reason to do so.”

“This sounds vaguely familiar…”

“Hey, if you don’t want to marry me tell me now…”

“Oh, hell no, gorgeous. You’re not going to get rid of me that easily, woman!”

“Heehee, I didn’t think so.”

“So how is your sight? Still fuzzy or not?”

“Wow, what a way to change the subject, Onasi! But no, not fuzzy, just a little photosensitive every now and then,” she replied as he studied her carefully.

“So if we were to get the opportunity to do anything together, alone…we’d need to do things in the dark then…” Carth said suggestively as he cupped her cheek.

“Ha, if we could be alone…I don’t know, maybe the cargo bay or the laser turret?” she offered as she nuzzled his hand.

“Don’t tempt me, woman. You have no idea how much I want to throw you against the wall and have my way with you right here,” the pilot replied as he reluctantly let her go.

“Hmmm, I might like that if we really were alone, but Canderous might try to watch or something…”

“If he so much as touches you, I’ll—“

“Easy, flyboy. Easy. The Mando knows where the lines are now and he’s not going to do anything beyond teasing,” she said calmly. “Besides I’ve already chosen the better man, so you have nothing to worry about. Okay?”

“Okay,” he said dismally.

“You weren’t looking for a fight with him so you could defend my honor, or something were you?”

“No, I just…okay, a part of me wanted to beat the crap out of him, just once for looking at you like you were a piece of meat or a prize to be won. But those are just my silly man feelings…”

“I like your man feelings—most of the time. You don’t lie to me about how you really feel…”

“I can’t because of that stupid Force bond, so why try?”

“Oh, so now it’s stupid is it? That same thing that had let us save each other’s lives several times over is stupid?”

“That’s not how I meant it and you know it. So quit trying to act like you’re pissed off at me!”  
“Yes, sir, Captain, sir,” she said with a mocking salute.

“You are very annoying sometimes, you know that?”

“So I have been told…”

Carth hesitated for a moment as he caught her hand again. “Serra…I…I know you said yes, but are you leaving or staying with the Order?”

“Leaving.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that…What you want more dramatics? I thought we already had a ship full of them, so I thought I’d be simple…”

“Shut up and let me kiss you.”

“I’m not stopping you. You’re the one—"

She was cut off mid-sentence as he claimed her lips in a passionate good night kiss. The pilot decided that if he were going to survive marriage to her he had better find new and betters ways of getting even when she was in one of her teasing moods. Regardless, marrying her was the only sane future he could imagine now. Serra and Dustil were his future. He only hoped and prayed to whatever high entity that was out there, they lived to make that future a reality.


	13. Chapter 13

“Better strap in, gorgeous. It’s going to be a bumpy ride…”

That was the last coherent thing Serra remembered from the decent to the uncharted planet near the Star Forge. That and a very choppy ride through the atmosphere. She looked up to see a bright sunny day outside the cockpit and a beach. _At least the scenery was nice…_

Suddenly she realized someone was cursing from the flight control stations. It was Carth. She smiled. _At least he’s okay._

Suddenly her head hurt. Placing a hand along her right temple, she found blood. “Damn it.”

“Hey, beautiful, you okay back there?” Onasi called as his hands flew over the control panels as he started running diagnostics on all the systems.

“Uh, I think so…I’ve been worse,” she said shakily as she drew on the Force to see what the extent of the injuries to the rest of the crew where. Everything was minor and somehow Carth had suffered no injuries at all.

“Right…I _don’t_ like answers like that,” he replied as he moved to kneel by the navigation console. He gently probed her head for other wounds. He found the gash just inside her hairline that was causing her headache. It wasn’t deep but he didn’t want to take any chances.

As he applied a kolto pack to the cut, he felt dark brown eyes studying him. “What?”

“That was _more_ than bumpy.”

“Okay, next time we crash _you_ try landing it.”

“Ha! I’ll just fix the mess you made instead. How ‘bout that?”

“Deal,” the Captain replied as he put away the med pack. He gently tilted her head up, encouraging her to look directly at him. “Do you feel dizzy or nauseous?”

“No.”

“Good. Use that Force healing thing you do and come on. We need to fix this bird and get back up there.”

“Okay,” Serra replied softly as she watched him withdraw from her.

As he got up, he looked back at her. “You sure you’re alright? You seem a little…”

“I love you,” she admitted suddenly as he came back to her.

“I know,” the Captain said with a cocky grin. He hauled her to her feet as he kissed her hard. She returned it with equal force as he held onto tightly. “I will _not_ lose you. I promise. We’ll make it through this. _Together_.”

“I believe you, flyboy,” Antilles said as they made their way to the common room hand in hand.

^^^^^^^

“You can’t be seriously considering going with them. You don’t know what is waiting for you at the top of that temple!” Carth said loudly as he paced outside the engine room.

Serra was hip deep in a panel yet again installing the new parts for the engine they had salvaged that afternoon. The Rakata had told them that they could lower the force shield around the temple the disruptive signal was coming from. They only wanted Derrik to enter but Juhani and Jolee were considering going anyway. The once Dark Lord of the Sith was with the Elders that evening purifying himself for the entrance in the morning. Regardless, it was a sure bet the temple was crawling with Sith.

“I am. I have more combat experience than Juhani and Jolee is more of a healer. Yes, they can fight but I…I just _feel_ like I need to do this,” she called from underneath the engine.

“Ser, you can’t do everything…”

“I’m _not_ going to do everything. I’m going to _help_. This is Derrik’s fight. I’m just back up. That’s what I feel I need to do.”

“What? So, I’m just supposed to sit here and let you go up against a bunch of dark jedi without me?”

“Yes,” Antilles said simply as she popped out from the panel.

Carth looked down at her with his arms crossed. “No.”

“Yes,” she repeated firmly as she rose to her feet and flipped a switch. The engine hummed to life. “We’re in business.”

“You are not going without me,” Onasi stated flatly as he blocked her exit from the engine room.

“Yes. I. Am.” The Jedi replied, punctuating each word as she saw the other crew members in the common room start to glance in their direction.

“No. I won’t stand for it,” the pilot said as he stood firmly in her way.

“Having troubles with your woman, republic?” Ordo called from the table as he polished his blaster rifle.

Carth ignored him as Serra attempted to squeeze passed the man she was supposed to marry without killing him. “I said you’re not going.”

“And I said I am. So, get the hell out of my way, Onasi!” she yelled loudly, very tempted to use the Force to nudge him aside.

“No! You’re going to listen to reason!”

“Ha! This ought to be fun! Reason coming from the paranoid Republic pilot who’s in love with the very thing he despises,” the Mando called again. “Too bad the female Jedi fall prey to Republic loving weaklings. Doesn’t bode well for the Jedi or their female members. And I thought Antilles had some sense.”

“Shut the hell up, Canderous, unless you want to get personal with the business end of your rifle!” Antilles screamed as she forced her way passed Carth. She stormed out of the common room down the ramp to the beach outside.

Onasi stood stunned and angry at the same time. Ordo just grinned as he said, “You really don’t know how to handle women.”

“Talk trash about me all you want. But don’t ever talk about Serra that way again or I will show you how that rifle of yours really works,” Onasi said as he stormed after his Jedi fiancée.

The Mandalorian forgotten, Carth hurried down the ramp to find no trace of Serra. The tide had already washed away her footsteps. She had been armed with her lightsaber, so she was in no immediate danger. But still, where the hell was she?

“Ser?” he called out to the empty beach. He received no reply, not that he had really expected one. “Crap.”

Onasi swallowed his pride for just a moment. Yes, he was angry at her, but he hadn’t meant to drive her away like that. He closed his eyes and opened himself up to the Force. She had actually been teaching him how to use their bond to reach its fullest potential. He would never admit it to anyone else, but he enjoyed the closeness it brought them. But sometimes it was still a little creepy.

Regardless, he tuned out everything else and focused on her. Sure, enough he found her, and she wasn’t that far away. If he sensed things right, she was off to the west a few hundred yards or so. As he opened his eyes and glanced in the direction he saw an outcropping of rocks. He grinned to himself. She was just hiding even though she knew he’d find her. But why was she being to hard-headed? He was only concerned about her safety. It wasn’t a new development.

Carth began to walk over toward the rocks when he heard a sound. It sort of sounded like Serra but as if she were trying to hide a sob or something. He frowned and called her name. She still didn’t respond. He rounded the bolder and saw the Jedi with her back to him. She shoulders were slumped, and she was holding her arms to her chest. “Serra? Are you okay?”

Antilles refused to turn toward him. Instead all she did was shake her head ‘ _no._ ’ Carth moved to stand behind her as he said, “I know that was kind of our first fight since I asked you to marry me, but we’ve fought before. What’s wrong?”

“You don’t really trust me,” she stated flatly without looking at him.

The Captain looked at her in shock as he struggled to come up with a response. _How could she think that?_ He had told her that he trusted her, he loved her, he would protect her, and he wanted to marry her _. How…Why did she think that?_

“Gorgeous, how can you say something like that? I love you…”

“You don’t trust me. You think I can’t fight a battle unless you’re right there beside me.”

“I _know_ you can fight. I’ve seen you beat guys most people would run away from. I just…”

“I can _do_ this…I have to…You won’t always be around to protect me…”

“I know. And I do trust you. I know you always want to protect those that can’t protect themselves. So why are you—"

“Because you think I shouldn’t go with Derrik,” she retorted finally whirling around to look him straight in the eye.

Onasi threw up his hands, desperate to make her understand. “He was…is Revan, Serra! What if he falls again?”

“He won’t.” Her tone and expression told him she firmly believed that and most likely there was no way to change her mind.

“How do you know that?” Carth asked quietly, letting his hands fall to his sides.

“How do you know _I_ won’t fall?” Serra countered with an arched eyebrow. “I get angry and sometimes I just want to beat the crap out of someone at the very least.”

“Because I’ll be there to catch you if you fall and I have faith in you.”

“And I have faith in Derrik that he will make the right choice this time. Maybe he just needs someone to believe in him instead of lying to him and criticizing him.”

He should have seen that coming. She had a knack for turning his words back on him when she believed him to be unreasonable. “But why you?”

“Because I was lucky enough to have people throughout my life believe in me enough that I was able to make it through the tough decisions. If I can do that for just one person in my life than the faith they had in me will not have been misplaced.”

“Like me…” he mumbled, knowing he was going to give in.

“Like you,” she confirmed with a loving expression.

They were both silent for several long minutes, the only sound was that of the waves crashing against the shore. They stared at one another both unwilling to admit that they had both been wrong. Finally, Onasi closed his eyes and said with a shaky voice, “Go with him. But come back to me. If I lost you too…”

Suddenly arms wrapped around his neck as Serra claimed his lips in a passionate kiss. His own arms snaked around her waist drawing her in even closer to him. He returned the kiss with fierce passion of his own. “I can’t lose you.’

“Carth, you won’t.”

“I _do_ trust you.”

“I…I’ll come back. I’ll always come back to you.”

“Promise me.”

“I _promise_ I’ll always come back to you.”

“I promise you the same. Nothing will keep me from you, Ser. _Nothing_.”

“Carth, I—" She was cut off by Onasi claiming her mouth once again in an intense kiss as he pulled at her clothes. His hands ran roughly over her shirt causing her to moan his name. The Jedi’s own hands remained around his neck as his lips began trailing kisses down her jaw to her neck. The pilot pushed her roughly against the rock behind them. His hands continued their journey up and underneath her shirt as she shivered. The cool ocean breeze over her newly exposed skin and Carth’s breath undid any hesitations she had about what they were doing and where. Their argument forgotten.

“I want you, Serra. Right here. Right now,” Onasi said hoarsely as he pulled back enough to look into her dark brown eyes. “I—"

“I’m yours, flyboy. Always,” she replied as she brushed the two ever stubborn strands of hair out of his eyes only to have them predictably return to the same position.

“Beautiful,” he murmured as he leaned in to nibble along her jaw line while his hands moved to cup both her breasts. “So beautiful.”

She let him claim her again and in doing so reassured them both that everything would work out. That they would win, and they would be together.

Carth brought his head down into the curve of her neck as Antilles shuddered in his arms, allowing her arms to let go of his neck. Placing her hands gently onto his biceps, she couldn't help but feel her breath shake a little at the feeling of him twitching against her. Serra gasped again as she felt his lips along her neck. Unable to suppress her moan of surprise at the feel of his tongue and occasional biting, her body began trembling against his own. Easily leaving a mark on her neck, Onasi pulled away long enough to look at the bruise.

Kissing her skin a few more times, he whispered with a husky tone into her ear. "How long did you think I could go without wanting you? Especially when you make it so hard on me sometimes?"

Raising one of his hands from her breast, Carth felt his body surge with anticipation as he began teasing one of her nipples. Her gasp of pleasure nearly drove him over the edge, his own labored breathing becoming apparent to her.

His hand gripped and rubbed the breast, his fingers suddenly pinching her already erect nipple. The Jedi cried out against him, writhing in pleasure against him as she arched almost completely into his chest. Her hand suddenly rose, gripping the wrist of his hand holding her breasts.

"Carth! By the Force! I…I can't…" Her sentence was drawn out, cut off at multiple parts as he increased his fervor. Bringing both hands up, he cupped, stroked, and rubbed her breasts to increase the tantalizing sounds she admitted. Witnessing her like this in front of him sparked a level of dominance he hadn't quite felt with her before.

He bit the top of her ear affectionately, running his tongue along the edges of it. "You're what, gorgeous?"

His hot breath ticked her skin, his pants increasing in volume slightly. "Tell me!"

"I can't…This feels so good!" Serra startled herself somewhat with the confession from her lips. Suddenly feeling the urge to challenge his control, Antilles pushed away his grip from her breasts and rose to her full height though still shorter than her pilot. Bringing her lips to his, she wasted no time in making the kisses deep, passionate, and hard. In the weeks since their escape from the _Leviathan_ and leaving Manaan, privacy had not been possible between running, hiding, and hunting for information.

Now that they were alone, the Republic soldier could no longer hold back the pent-up emotions. The night of their first time together came soaring back, only adding to the fuel of their passion. Securing his arms around her, Carth lifted her up against his body. Nipping at her lips, he began a trail of kisses from her jaw, to her chin, and then the neglected side of her neck.

Leading them away from the rock to a patch of short grass, Carth laid Serra's onto the ground as his hands began seeking out the body he had not seen in over three weeks. Her whimpers and moans urged him on with his explorations and experimentations as he quickly stripped both of them of their remaining clothes. He felt her body arch in sheer pleasure as his lips found the sensitive parts of her breasts. Taking the cold nub into his warm mouth, Onasi closed his eyes, reveling in the sounds of her reactions.

Serra couldn't think straight. The sudden pleasure shooting through her body was almost too much for her. It had been so long since her last relationship but with Carth her body responded without any trouble. His rough hands gripped and massaged, sometimes making the touches wild while others were tender. The Captain opened his eyes halfway as she felt his body shiver in such excitement. She wasn't sure how much more either one of them could stand.

Bringing one hand to her cheek, Carth captured her lips once more in his own. Sealing off the cries of the woman before his, he slowly ran his palm down her chest, in-between her breasts, and along her stomach. Rubbing small circle along the insides of her thigh, Onasi pulled his lips away to whisper intensely into her ear.

"Ser, I’ve missed this." He could feel a bead of sweat drip down his face, unable to stop himself from biting her already sore neck. Kissing his way down to her collarbone, his hand slowly finding its way to the apex of her legs. "I have missed _you_."

"W-What are you—" Serra's passionate whimpers suddenly became a loud cry as she felt his fingers touch her entrance. Her body jerked and writhed beneath his, her mouth panting at such a furious rate that she was convinced she would suffer a sweet death sometime soon. Her eyes were drawn open as she felt Carth's forehead touch her own. A flush of red washed over her face as his thumb found her clitoris, rubbing the pad of his thumb against it in circles fast enough to drive her insane.

" _Carth!_ " She cried out his name like it was the last words she was ever going to say. Reaching her hands up, Antilles clutched his shoulders tightly. Raking her nails down his skin and along his battle scars she had recently committed to memory, he gave a groan she hadn't heard from him in weeks. His fingers sped up with their stroking and caressing, driving her closer and closer to her end.

Her hips trembled heavily, jerking up into his hands and urging on their pleasure. Responding to her demands, Carth increased the speed of his fingers before bringing his lips to hers. Roughly and passionately kissing her, the pilot heard her breathing increase.

Breaking their kiss apart, the Jedi trembled more and more underneath him. "So close, so close! Don't stop! _Flyboy, please!_ "

She rode out her climax louder than she intended to. She had no idea of the volume of her cry or how much she trembled in his arms. The only part of her climax that she could recognize was the erratic heartbeat within her chest. Coming down from her high, Serra groaned as she felt Carth settle himself between her legs. Lifting either leg to rest around his hips, Serra brought a hand to his face.

Running her fingertips along his cheek and lips, Onasi placed his hands on both sides of her hips as he leaned down and hungrily captured her lips again.

"I need you, gorgeous. I want this one more time with you in case…"

Shaking her head, Serra ran a hand through his brown hair. She could smell the mixture of sweat, leather, and blaster oil from his skin. The scent of him was intoxicating, filling her senses and thoughts with only him.

"I know." Her whisper was gentle, giving him a tender and soft kiss. "I want this too. I need this. Please, I want you inside me."

That was all the verification Carth needed. Bringing Serra to him, they both groaned loudly as he entered her. He paid strict attention to the reaction of her body. Trembling heavily above her, he pushed in inch by inch until their hips met.

"Oh! Carth!" Her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, Antilles moaned as he shifted his hips back and forth cautiously. Burying her face into his neck, she urged him on with her own thrusts. Groaning heavily, Onasi dug his fingers into the ground as he suddenly began a fast and unrelenting rhythm.

"S--Serra!" Their bodies slid against each other, adding friction to the increasing repetition. It didn't take long for her to reach her peak. She felt the sweet release creep up on her in waves before finally dragging her into the undertow of ecstasy. She cried out his name loudly as she felt her body clench down on his member, drawing him further into her body.

Opening her eyes, Antilles watched in wonder at Onasi's face. The normal calm demeanor was gone, allowing him the momentary release to show the body numbing pleasure. The normal pace was gone. Carth gripped her hips tightly now, digging his fingers so deeply into her skin that she knew they would bruise later. He was close as he thrust foreword and back erratically.

Sweat dripped down his face as Serra raised her hands to his face. Cradling his head in her hands, Carth snapped his eyes open in shock at the sign of affection; all traces of anger from their argument earlier gone. He felt her fingers caress his chin, his lips, and then cheeks. Urging his head down, he allowed himself to follow her lead as he closed his eyes to her surprisingly passionate kisses. Their breathing increased and finally Carth reached the sweet release he had craved.

Surrendering to the violent body tremors, the soldier collapsed against Serra before pushing himself off to lie beside her.

"Flyboy…" Her soft whisper reached out to him, beckoning him to open his eyes. Gently pushing some hair strands away from his face, Serra cupped his cheek before letting her confession slip. "I love you."

Carth remained silent for a few seconds before smiling at her words. Pulling her towards him, he managed to ignore the tickling of the grass blades along his back as he drew her close. Tucking her head into his neck, the Captain held her in his arms until he heard the light breathing pattern of her sleep.

Keeping one arm securely around her, Carth ran his fingers along her neck before whisperingly lightly enough to not stir her from her nap. "And I you, Serra Antilles. Always."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***flashbacks in italics***

Carth sat in the cockpit—waiting. It was all he could do, and it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. Serra had gone after Derrik with Jolee and Juhani to the temple. And all he could do was wait. He hated it. But she had asked him to wait for her. So, he did so.

He played with the setting of his twin blasters and wondered if he was doing the right thing. He closed his eyes tightly and reached out for her through their bond. He could feel her. She was fighting but she was okay. She even managed to give him a ‘wink’ through their connection, acknowledging his checking up on her. Onasi smiled and pulled away just enough to be out of her way but still be in contact with her.

He sighed as he thought back to how they had even wound up with their Force bond to start with. It had actually manifested after their escape from Taris. After they had been grounded on Dantooine for several weeks while Derrik was training, Serra had started going stir crazy. She had agreed to go out onto the plains and deal with the kathhounds which had started attacking farmers and other people. Originally she was going to go it alone but Carth had insisted on accompanying her. Of course, he had used the excuse back then that he was going crazy too and needed to do something. That had been true, but he had also wanted to be near her. She was the only one who wasn’t holier than thou with the Jedi and wasn’t psychopathic or well Mission and Zalbarr where their own thing. Now that he looked back on it, he had to admit to himself that he had started falling for her even before leaving Taris.

~~~~~~

_“You can’t really be thinking about going out there alone,” the pilot said as he watched the female Jedi suit up for her excursion out into the plains._

_“Um, yeah. I am. So, what’s it to you?” Antilles asked as she holstered her blaster._

_“Well, usually having someone watch your back is a better tactic,” he commented as he checked his own weapons. He glanced at her wondering just what she was thinking._

_“My back or my other assets whatever you may or may not think those are?” Serra replied as she met his gaze._

_“Well,” Carth said feeling a little cheeky, “You do have rather nice assets, but I was really meaning to offer you some assistance in your jaunt out on to the plains.”_

_He thought he caught a glint of humor in her dark brown eyes as she said, “Fine. But just keep up, flyboy.”_

_“Aye-aye, ma’am,” he replied with a two fingered salute._

_“You can really be an ass sometimes, Onasi,” she said as she turned to head out of the enclave._

_“So, I’ve been told,” he said as he followed her out. “But has anyone ever told you that your ‘ass’ is nice?”_

_Serra paused in her walk for just a moment as she glanced back at him with a slight smirk. “Watch it, Onasi. I am still a Jedi, remember?...But thanks anyway.”_

_The Captain smiled despite himself as they left the walls of the enclave. Maybe flirting with the sane female Jedi wasn’t such a waste of time after all…_

_^^^^^_

_“Onasi, do you have to hold on quite so tight?” Antilles asked as she drove the speeder bike across the plains._

_“Well, I didn’t know that you liked to go so…_ fast _,” he called from behind her. Regardless, he found himself enjoying the ride with her. It was different seeing her off a ship, out of danger, and away from other Jedi. She seemed more relaxed and he found it had a similar effect on him._

_“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Onasi,” she said coming to a stop by a grove of trees. It was nearly noon local time._

_As she powered down the bike, Carth got off and asked, “Do you always have to call me_ Onasi _? I have a first name, you know.”_

_“Yeah, well, if I call you by it you might get the impression that I liked you or something,” she replied as she turned to him and tossed him a pack._

_“Well, do you?” he asked as he caught the bag with their meal in it._

_“What? Is this grade school where you ask if I have a crush on you or something?” she glanced at him with a smirk._

_“_ No _. I just thought that with what we’ve been through and since we’re going to be stuck with each other for a while you might call me Carth. That’s all,” he said with a shrug as he started to unpack the meal packs_

_“Serra.”_

_“What?” he asked looking up from his task. Was she actually trying to connect with him?_

_“Serra. That’s my first name. If I call you Carth, you have to call me Serra once in a while,” the Jedi stated simply as she spread out a blanket on the ground by the speeder bike._

_“I think I can live with that,” he said with a grin as he found himself relaxing around her._

_“Good.”_

_“That’s a pretty name by the way…” Carth commented as he put their food down on the blanket._

_“Ummm, thanks,” Serra replied awkwardly as she sat down._

_He smiled as they began eating their lunch. Onasi noticed that she had turned red as he mimicked her actions. Instead of calling attention to it as he normally did, he let her have one for once. She had given him_ permission _to call her by her first name. It was a kind of truce between them he supposed. They did have their arguments but most of the time it was just verbal sparring that other mistook for actual fights. He found that he enjoyed the_ fights _and that made him wonder about the other feelings he was starting to harbor toward the unusual female Jedi._

_^^^^^^_

_“This is not what I signed on for when I joined the Republic!” Carth yelled as he shot more rounds at the pack of kathhounds that had come out of nowhere. They had eaten lunch and just as they were packing up to move to another location, the animals had just come out of nowhere._

_“Well, I can say the same thing about me joining the Jedi…oh wait, I didn’t have a choice in that. Never mind!” Antilles called from over her shoulder as she swung her blade around in an arc driving the hounds back._

_Onasi cocked an eyebrow as he registered her words. He kept firing as he noticed the animals backing off a little. Where they actually giving up or were they regrouping? “Serra!?”_

_She nodded as she backed up to him. “I see. I see. The Darkside is influencing them. I don’t know why…”_

_“Gorgeous, I’ve got a bad feeling about this…” he said as he saw a two larger kathhounds break off from the retreating pack and circle around behind Antilles._

_Suddenly the male hound launched itself at Serra. She sensed the danger but not in time to avoid the attack. The only reason she avoided the animal was because Carth threw himself between the kathhound and the female Jedi. Antilles was knocked backward onto her behind as Carth fired his twin blasters repeatedly into the animal’s chest. It fell to the ground but not before its companion charged forward, mauling him. The pilot found himself attacked by claws and sharp teeth as he struggled to hit the animal with the butt of his blasters._

_Serra shook her head trying to shake off the daze the impact had caused. Suddenly she heard a yell and snapped back to reality. It was Carth and he was in pain. She could even feel it through the Force. She glanced over at the pilot and gasped in horror. He was covered in blood and his life force was weakening._

_“_ CARTH _!” she yelled as she scrambled to her feet and used the Force to send a powerful pulse of electrical energy all around them. The kathhounds yelped in pain and backed away from them. Antilles dropped to her knees next to the Republic Captain. He was gasping for breath and bleeding profusely._

_“Carth, why did you do that?” she asked shakily as she felt him through the Force. He was dying._

_“Felt…like it…was…the right…thing…to do…beautiful,” he coughed as his eyes rolled into the back of his head._

_“Damn it, flyboy, don’t you die on me!” she yelled as she called upon the Force. She could feel a part of him hanging on._ Good, Carth. Hang on to that…

_She cradled his head in her lap as she used to the Force to begin healing him. He had internal injuries as well. It would take a lot out of her, but she couldn’t let him die. But if he ever found out just what she had done, he’d yell at her or worse call her a Force witch or something. Either way, Serra didn’t want to let him die as long as there was a chance she could save him._

_The female Jedi gave herself over to the Force and began the long hard process of healing the soldier no matter the outcome or the personal price._

_^^^^^^^_

_“Awww, hell. What the hell happened, Antilles? You decide to finally get me drunk?” Onasi asked as he grabbed his head and tried to sit up. His head started spinning as he waited for the female Jedi to respond. As his vision continued to blur, he looked around the grassy area as best he could. He saw the corpses of several kathhounds, their speeder bike with his jacket hanging on it, and a brown-haired woman lying on her side._

_“Gorgeous? Can you hear me? What’s wrong?” he said scooting over to her as he realized his chest, shoulder, and right arm felt sore. Flexing them involuntarily, he glanced down and saw blood all over him. His clothes also sported several tears, his shirt receiving a bulk of the damage._ Just what the hell happened?

_“Come on, beautiful! Wake up!” he called to her urgently as he gently shook her._

_Her only response was a weak moan. He quickly checked her for injuries and found out to his surprise that there were none. As he frowned, he realized that he could suddenly_ feel _her. Carth released his grip on Serra’s arm quickly as if burned. There was no way he could feel the Force, feel_ her _through the Force. He shook his head and decided to deal with that particular disquieting realization later._

_Onasi quickly returned his attention to the woman on the ground in front of him. She had done something…The kathhounds had attacked and some had tried to circle around to attack Serra. He’d thrown himself at them to get her out of the way. And then the second hound had attacked him._

Felt like the right thing to do…

Don’t die on me…

_Had she healed him or something Carth thought as he carefully picked her up. He headed to the speeder bike and mounted it, sitting the Jedi in front of him. Resting her against his chest, he started up the bike and started back toward the enclave. The Jedi were not going to be pleased. But at the moment the Captain didn’t care, Serra was what was important._

_^^^^^^_

_“Will she be okay?” Onasi asked the resident Jedi healer that was overseeing Antilles’ recovery._

_“Yes. She over-expending her healing abilities on you apparently. She will be conscious shortly, but she will require rest,” the healer replied as he checked her vital signs once more._

_The female Jedi lay on a bed in what passed for a medical facility in the enclave. Vandar and Vrook had already put their two cents in and the pilot was more annoyed than ever at the Order. The little grey Jedi Master had simply said a larger group would be more advisable for future ventures onto the plains. Vrook had blamed Carth and his negative influence on the Jedi Knight. That and he’d all but threatened to throw him out of the compound. Onasi had done his best to restrain his temper but wondered why Vrook acted the way he did toward Serra. He seemed especially critical of her decisions and actions no matter how small or what they involved._

_“Can I stay with her?” Onasi asked as he looked at the Jedi through the glass._

_“I do not see why not. The masters have not forbidden it nor do I think you will be a distraction to her recovery. In fact, she seems to respond favorably when you are present,” the healer Jedi replied as he turned to leave the room. “I would advise no more than one visitor at a time though until tomorrow. She should be cleared to leave in the morning. Good day, Capain. Onasi.”_

_As the door shut behind the other man, Carth made his way to stand beside Antilles’ bed. She looked better but still seemed off. And then he realized he was feeling her through the Force again. He shook his head…of all the things to happen…_

_“Damn. I thought I was done with the Force…” he muttered to himself as he sat down on the side of the bed._

_“Sorry…to disappoint…you, flyboy…wasn’t my choice…to be Force-sensitive,” Antilles croaked weakly as she turned her head to look at him._

_Carth looked at her with relief. “I thought you had decided to leave us.”_

_“H! Not bloody likely. I still have Sith ass to kick,” she said with a weak smile. “Besides who’s going to keep you out of trouble?”_

_“Me out of trouble? I’m not the one laying in a hospital bed,” he said._

_“No, no you’re not,” she replied closing her eyes._

_“I should be…” he said tentatively. The pilot touched her hand lightly. “What did you do, gorgeous?”_

_“I healed you. That’s all,” she said refusing to meet his gaze._

_“You did more than that. I had T-3 look over my clothes and what we thought were my original injuries. I should be_ dead _, Serra.”_

_Antilles sighed. “I…don’t talk about it…The Council doesn’t like it when I do.”_

_“I get the feeling the Council doesn’t like a lot of the things you do, especially Vrook,” he said rubbing her hand._

_Serra snorted. “He never did. The ironic thing is technically he’s the only family I have left.”_

_“_ Family _? I thought you Jedi didn’t remember your families because you’re given to the Order when you’re just kids,” Onasi replied confused._

“Given _is such a relative term with the Jedi. I knew both my mother and my father. Mom was a full-fledged Jedi Master while Dad was a ‘fallen’ Jedi. I was 10 when I was ‘given’ to the Order here on Dantooine,” she explained finally opening her eyes but still not looking at him._

_“10?”_

_“My rather unique and rare power set manifested right before puberty and the Order thought I needed special training only they could provide. I was taken by my kind uncle and dumped here. My parents were given no choice in the matter. They either gave me up or the Council would exile them. I would never see or hear from them again. So, I told them to send me away rather than lose them permanently.”_

_“You expect me to believe that?”_

_“I didn’t ask you to believe anything. You asked and I answered. The choice to believe me is yours. I can bring people back from the brink of death as long as they want to live. I did that with you. Believe what you will, Captain, but I have never once lied to you.”_

_He was quiet for a long time as he pondered her words. They were back to using rank and title again. Everything including the damned connection through the Farce told him she was being honest…What if she were being truthful? He could_ sense _her sincerity through the Force. Should he mention that?_

_“I know you haven’t. I can sense it…”_

_Serra finally glanced at him, her dark brown eyes boring directly into his soul. “You can’t.”_

_“Yes…I can…since we came back from the plains…”_

_“No,” she said as she shook her head. “That can’t be—”_

_“It happened.”_

_“I—I’m sorry…That’s never happened before. At least not when I was healing someone. Only Corran, but that was for a_ very _different reason.”_

_“Corran? Who’s that?”_

_She glanced at him sheepishly. “My fiancé.”_

_“You’re_ engaged _?” he exclaimed surprised because she was a Jedi and jealous because she hadn’t told him. The last part had him confused the most…_

_“Passed tense. He died four years ago trying to warn the Republic about an impending attack on Republic space…A civilian target…Malak killed him…”_

_“How do you know?”_

_“I felt him die. Just like I felt you dying.”_

_“Serra…” he said softly as he leaned closer to her._

_“Don’t. I don’t want pity or—"_

_“It’s not pity, Serra. I just…want you to know I’m here,” he replied as he kissed her on the forehead. “I don’t know if that counts for much anymore, but I’m here._ Still _here thanks to you.”_


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***flashbacks in italics***

Several hours later the quartet of Jedi returned the beach where the _Hawk_ had made it’s not so graceful landing and recounted their journey through the Rakata Temple. The shield and field damper was down, Bastila had fallen to the Darkside, and Derrik had chosen the Light. Onasi had stood on the beach, finally convinced the other man was willing to fight for the good guys. Seeing Serra return unharmed was a major deciding factor. The others finally were able to tell the pilot their _‘i-told-you-so’s’_ while Antilles just wore a smug grin aimed at the soldier.

Regardless of Derrik’s new found strength and confidence in who he was, they still had to take the fight to the Star Forge. The only thing they had not truly counted on was the young padawan Bastila falling to the Darkness. Derrik remained convinced he could bring her back to the Light. Serra wanted to believe him while Carth was cautiously optimistic. The others all followed Derrik’s lead on the matter and vowed to retrieve Shan and destroy the Sith base. All that remained was for the crew to complete their assigned tasks and rendezvous back at the _Ebone Hawk_. Their time was limited as the Republic fleet gathered in space nearby to wage a final assault against the Star Forge.

Derrik, Carth, and Serra were in the group hoping to find Bastila. Jolee, Juhani, and Canderous were in a second team trying to find a way to disable the Sith themselves or the Star Forge. Mission, Zalbarr, Hk-47, and T3 remained behind with the _Hawk_ to keep their ride secure. All knew their assignments, and all knew what the stakes were. Despite differing viewpoints and motivations all intended to end the Sith threat and all were intent on coming out alive.

With or without the Jedi and Republic forces as backup, the crew of the _Ebone Hawk_ had been chasing the Star Forge threat for months, almost a year. They took the menace as a personal mission that only they could see through to the end. And they would be the ones to do so. Even with the risks and the possibility of dying, it would get done. The Sith threat would end and the Republic would go on. There was no choice in the matter…

“Gorgeous? Where are you?” Onasi yelled as the door closed behind Derrik. Bastila had indeed fallen to the Darkside and was currently trying to tempt the former Dark Lord with his previous life. The blast door cut him off from his two allies and somehow Antilles had been lost in the shuffle.

The pilot let a few more blaster bolts loose on a group of Sith troopers and looked around the large corridor. No more baddies for the moment but no Serra either…

“Ser?” he whispered as he heard a noise from around the corner and felt a presence. He then realized he couldn’t feel his fiancé in the Force. He pressed himself up against a bulkhead, blaster at the ready. If it were a full-fledged Sith like Bannon, he doubted he could actually defeat him, but he could buy the others time. He wasn’t without skills and he wouldn’t go down without a fight. He was a soldier of the Republic and would die like one. He knew Serra would understand he only hoped one day Dustil could forgive him for not being able to keep his promise to meet him on Telos…

Suddenly the ‘presence’ emerged from around the corner and stopped suddenly as it found a blaster pointed at its head. The person said harshly, “Damn it, flyboy! If I wanted a blaster in the face I’d go find a Sith!”

“Ser! Damn it! Why didn’t you answer me? I couldn’t tell if it was you or not!” he yelled back as he lowered his twin blasters.

“Wha—Huh?” she replied confused as she disengaged her lightsaber.

“I can’t feel you in the Force, beautiful,” he explained simply.

“Oh, about that…I kinda turned my presence off because I didn’t want to attract unwanted attention,” Antilles replied.

“You can do that?”

“Yeah. My Dad taught me. Said it might come in handy someday. Guess it did,” she commented as they started to look for an alternative route to Malak and the Star Forge command deck.

“Smart man.”

“I always thought so…”

“Ser, they’d both be proud of you. You know that.”

“I know. But it’s nice to hear someone say it.”

“Anytime, beautiful. Anytime.”

*******************

_“Do you want to talk about it?” Onasi asked as he leaned against the railing he’d found Antilles loitering around. She glared at him as he rested his elbows on the wall._

_“Would it surprise you if I said ‘no’?” she replied as she looked back across the plains. Only a few weeks ago they had gone out on them to deal with the kath hound problem. They had discovered what the cause had been but not before Serra had used her little-known Force power to save Carth’s life. They hadn’t discussed it since the conversation in the infirmary._

_In the meantime, Derrik had finished his studies and was now engaged in his trials. It was a good thing because the crew of the_ Ebone Hawk _were getting even more antsy if that were possible. In anticipation of the coming mission, the Republic had ordered Carth to join the mission at find the Star Forge as the Republic liaison/representative. Mission, Zalbarr, Ordo, and the droids had ‘volunteered’ to stay aboard the_ Hawk _. The Jedi went along with this because of their technical and fighting skills. As for the Jedi that would be on the mission, Derrik and Bastila were an obvious choice because of their connection to each other and the Star Maps. Juhani had requested to join them as part of her redemption. That left Serra._

_The pilot believed that the meeting with the Council she had just come from answered that question. But what had they said? Even though the two hadn’t spoken about the incident on the plains in weeks, they had talked about other things. He thought that they had even grown closer, not that he had looked for that to happen. It just had._

_He could tell she didn’t want to talk but she had pushed him from the moment they had met to talk about_ his _past or what was bothering him. And though he would never openly admit it, it had happened him. Right now he felt like pushing not just to get back at her, but because he genuinely thought she needed to talk. And it seemed that he was the closest thing to a friend she had. And somehow it was the same for him…_

_“While it wouldn’t surprise me, I think you could actually use someone to talk to…” the Captain replied as he gave her that lopsided grin of his._

_The Jedi shook her head as she gripped the side of the wall. “You’re just trying to get back at me for bugging you all the time on Taris.”_

_“Maybe a part of me, but I really think you could use someone to talk to. You may have noticed I don’t offer this service to everyone…” he said shrugging as he continued to look at her._

_“Onasi…you’ve made it quite clear how you feel about Jedi and Jedi affairs…”_

_“So that’s what’s bothering you._ Jedi _stuff. Probably what was said by the Council.”_

_“How perceptive you are,” she commented in a snide tone._

_“Come on, beautiful. You made me talk and I did say I’d be there for you…”_

_“Damn it, why do you have to be such a good guy…”_

_“My mother made me that way,” he said with a smile._

_Serra sighed and pushed off the wall. “My uncle is an ass.”_

_“Your uncle?”_

_“Umm, yeah. Vrook is my mom’s elder brother.”_

_“Oookaay, so that was…_ unexpected _. But what does that have to do with the meeting you were called to?”_

_“Ha, about that…It seems that since I am no longer assigned to Taris, they don’t really know what to do with me. And since no one else seems to want me around, they consider me somewhat expendable. So I’ve been assigned as the senior Jedi to the_ Ebone Hawk _. I’m to let Bastila make the decisions but if I find them ‘unwise’ I can override her ‘orders’ at any time.”_

_“Bastila…unwise? Never,” Onasi said sarcastically as he turned toward her, still leaning against the wall. “So really you’re in charge.”_

_“Ha. The Princess won’t see it that way and I’m already tired of her from just the time spent with her on Taris. At least here I can hide. On the_ Hawk _I won’t be able to.’_

_“Look this probably isn’t any of my business. But you don’t seem to get along with_ any _of the other Jedi. I mean at least when it comes to how that Jedi Code of yours should be interpreted. Is that because of your parents?”_

_“For someone who tends to put his foot in his mouth you can be uncomfortably observant when you want to be…” she replied glancing at him sideways. “But anyway, yes and no. Most people don’t like the fact I was allowed to develop a normal relationship with my parents. Force forbid I should know my parents. The other thing is…I guess is my little unusual power that I try very hard not to ever bring up in a conversation.”_

_“You do realize you keep bringing it up when you talk to me right?” Onasi asked with a smug grin._

_“Get over yourself, flyboy. You already know about it and stuff…”_

_“And stuff? Bringing me back from the brink of death is ‘_ and stuff _?’ I think it’s a little more than that, don’t you?”_

_“You didn’t have to push me out of the way—“_

_“Hold it right there. I can be an ass and I don’t normally trust Jedi but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let kath hound eat you!”_

_“They weren’t going to eat me…”_

_“Fine. They would have killed you. Does that make it better? They would have killed you and who would have brought you back?”_

_“No one I guess. But at least…’_

_“At least what?”_

_“At least you would still have been alive.”_

_“Serra, you…you would have died to protect me, wouldn’t you?”_

_“I still would.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Why did you try dying protecting me?”_

_“Because I got use to you pestering me and I don’t think I want to go a day without seeing your beautiful face,” Carth finally admitted as a slight blush started to blossom across his face._

_“You got use to me…” she asked in a quiet tone. Feeling a blush of her own starting, she added shyly, “You think I’m beautiful?’_

_“Well, yeah. I…You have of picked up on that by now. How many other women do you see me flirting unabashedly with?” he replied as he ran a hand through his brown hair. The pilot suddenly realized that they were both in unfamiliar territory. As recent history went, they both had tried to stay away from forming any kind of relationship, even friendship. Despite the walls he had built around his feelings, the Captain felt on overwhelming urge to keep her close and protect her even from the Jedi…_

_“I don’t know. Flirting with other Jedi and the Sith seem a little…out of character for you,” she commented softly._

_“If you only knew, gorgeous,” Onasi said cryptically as he leaned in closer to her._

_“Carth, you—“_

_Whatever she had been about to say was cut off as she found herself held in a gentle embrace by the soldier as he claimed her lips in a tender kiss. She froze for a moment until it fully registered what had occurred. Oddly she didn’t feel the urge to fight his impulsive actions. Instead she relaxed and let the ace pilot decide how far to take it._

_He cradled the back of her head as his other hand rested lightly at the small of her back. Serra had placed both her hands flat against his chest as he ever so slightly increased the intensity of the kiss. Antilles gripped his flight jacket tightly as she realized she had wanted to know what it would be like to kiss the handsome Captain since before their escape from Taris. Carth responded by pushing her back ever so slightly towards him as he breathed, “Serra…”_

_The sound of his own voice jarred him out of the spell he had been under. Onasi quickly looked at Serra and then jerked back. The Jedi watched silently as he took a couple steps back and once again ran a hand uncomfortably through his hair. “I—I…Look, gorgeous, I didn’t mean…I don’t normally…I’d never do anything to hurt you…”_

_“I wouldn’t call what you just did_ hurting _me, flyboy,” she finally replying to his rambling. “I could have stopped you if I wanted to, but I didn’t.”_

_“You_ wanted _me to…to kiss you?”_

_“Well, I wasn’t going to ask you to do it, but if it happened I wasn’t going to object,” she said spreading her hands out in front of her. “But it’s not like I was dreaming about it or anything…Sithspawn! That sounded bad.”_

_“Ha, well this was not what I was expecting…” Onasi commented as he shrugged. He looked at her uncertainly as he leaned against the wall again. He didn’t know what it meant but he had liked kissing the unorthodox female Jedi. And a part of him couldn’t help but feel a little smug knowing she had liked it too._

_“Carth, if…if what happened makes you…uncomfortable, we can just pretend it didn’t happen…I know you have other things to worry about and other obligations; you don’t need to worry about upsetting a weird Jedi sentinel…” she said with a shrug of her own. She was offering him a way out, a way to save face and do what he needed to get done. He could walk away, deal with Karath, and never have to worry about Serra again._

_But could he do it? Could he walk away from her? Could he leave Serra behind? Did he want to?_

_“No,” he said simply as he pushed off the wall and towered over her._

_“Wha—“_

_“I said no. You deserve better. You deserve better than me, but I can’t just leave…I can’t. For once don’t ask me to explain anymore. Just take my word for it, gorgeous,” he said hooking a finger under her chin._

_“Okay,” she replied as a smile crossed her lips._

_“What are you smiling about?” he asked trying to hide his own amusement._

_“You made me smile even after a meeting with my ass of an uncle. No one’s ever been able to do that,” she replied tilting her head to look up into his hazel eyes._

_“Well, at least I’m good for something…”_

_“You’re a good man, Carth. You know that. You just need to let yourself remember.’_

_“That’s the problem. Remembering seems to just bring back bad memories.”_

_“Then you’re not trying hard enough. I’m sure your family would want you to remember the good times you had with them. Remember that they loved you and you them. It’s what they would have wanted. I’m sure of it…”_

_“How can you sound so confident when you say that, even with all you’ve lost?”_

_“Because my only living relative treats me as a tool and ordered Corran not to act on the intel we had gathered. Vrook didn’t care if his only sister and my father were killed on a peaceful planet Karath destroyed in order to prove his twisted loyalty to the Sith. Or that everyone I had ever loved died…I lost everything twice because of his Council’s need to meditate on the obvious threat before them…I have no choice but to believe they would want me to be happy and make their deaths mean something…This mission is a chance to do so, on my own terms…I will not let Malak and Karath win. I can’t. I promised Corran.”_

_“Gorgeous, I’m not as strong as you…” he said replied as he lowered his eyes. He felt a hand lightly touch his._

_“Yes you are, Carth Onasi. You just have to remember how to be,” Serra reassured the pilot with a small smile. “I believe you are.”_

_“You’re a frustrating woman, you know that?”_

_“Yeah, I think I’ve been told that before by some handsome pilot somewhere or another…”_


	16. Chapter 16

“Think we missed out on all the real fun?” Serra asked as she nursed a sprained ankle.

Carth glared at her from the pilot’s seat of the _Ebone Hawk_. “You are joking right?”

“Oh how you know me so well, flyboy,” she said as she wrapped her foot.

They had completed their part of the mission and now only awaited the return of Derrik. He had asked them all to retreat to the _Hawk_ ; Bastila was even there. Her battle meditation helping to turn the tide of the space battle outside. Antilles was in contact with Derrik through the Force and assured the Republic Captain several times that he was taking care of Malak and was still _a good guy_.

Carth bit his tongue and decided to keep his reservations to himself until everything was said and done. Serra believed in the wayward Jedi and she had yet to be wrong about him. As he checked the controls one last time, Serra looked up at him. “He’s here…You should go with her to meet him.”

“Gorgeous, we should get out of here then,” he objected.

“It will mean more to him if you meet him than me. Trust me. Plus I can get this bird out of the bay until you all are aboard and then you can show me how to properly pilot a ship from an exploding star base.”

“Just don’t scratch the paint on the bay doors,” Onasi said reluctantly as he headed out of the cockpit.

“Yes, sir,” she said with a salute.

He rolled his eyes and wondered if she was always going to be right or if he might have a shot at it sometime…

*******

Carth walked down the ramp to see Bastila talking to Derrik. Their voices were hushed, and their stances subdued. Using the techniques that Serra had taught him, he felt that everything had been resolved but one of them seemed regretful if not sad. He wasn’t sure which person it came from but by the expression on his face, he thought those feelings came from Derrik. 

As the pilot came closer to the pair, the former Dark Lord of the Sith made eye contact with him. “I know. _I know_. Once we’re off the Star Forge our truce is over.”

“This is not the time for this, Captain…” Bastila said softly as she looked at the man who had redeemed her.

Onasi waved her off. “That’s _not_ why I’m here…I just wanted you to know that I’m glad you did the right thing. It must have been hard…to face him—Malak. But you did it anyway and you overcame the darkness that resides within you. I’m glad you decided to stay with the good guys.”

Derrik looked at him confused and then replied, “Serra is right. Sometimes you _do_ say something right.”

“Ha, that is just going to make her think she is right about everything ,” Carth said as hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “Anyway, we should get going before this place is blown to hell.”

Derrik nodded as he followed the Captain back to the ramp. He extended a hand to Bastila who looked up at him in confusion. “As the man said, I’m glad you decided to stay with the good guys.”

The young Jedi looked at him and let a small smile spread across her features. She nodded as the trio hurried to the _Hawk_. As the ramp closed the freighter lifted off leaving the Sith base to be destroyed by the Republic fleet. With any luck, the death of Malak and the destruction of the Star Forge would at least set back any plans the Sith had, if not stop them for a long while.

They watched the Star Forge blow up into millions of pieces from the _Ebon Hawk’s_ cockpit. A great evil had finally been dealt with but even through the relief that knowledge brought the crew of the _Hawk_ knew that things were about to change. They had all been forced to work together for the past year and now the reason that had brought them together no longer existed. Some knew exactly what they would do, some had an idea, and some didn’t care. But all knew things were changing whether they wanted them to or not…

An Honor Guard escorted the _Hawk_ to the Republic flag ship as the rest of the fleet started to regroup around the Rakata homeworld. Dodonna and Vandar had requested an audience with the crew as soon as possible. Both the Republic and Jedi would try to use the victory to their own advantages. The question was: what did the victory really mean and what would really happen afterward?

Antilles stood behind the pilot’s seat as Onasi guided the _Ebone Hawk_ into the landing bay of the _Liberator_. She leaned against the chair as the ship settled down on the bay floor. The others looked around at each other as if looking to someone else for what to do next. Antilles knew what she wanted to do but it would be complicated. Carth on the other hand seemed right at home as soon as the ship set down on the flight deck. He turned toward the others as he flashed a grin at the group. “Home. Sweet. Home.”

“Only you would call a Republic warship home, flyboy,” Serra said as he stood up.

She rolled her eyes as Derrik said, “Should I—we wait for an _escort_?”

The Captain shook his head. “No. I talked to Dodonna and you have nothing to worry about—either of you. There will be questions later but not now. Right now we are all heroes.”

“That is hardly what I feel like,” Bastila replied quietly as Carth walked out of the cockpit with Serra in tow.

“Welcome to the Republic’s PR machine,” Ordo commented as he followed the others out of the ship.

Derrik looked at Shan who was usually quiet. “You were redeemed, Bastila. The Council will see this. We _both_ were.”

“I fell to the very Darkness I was to keep you from,” she replied as she looked out the window.

“We are both here _now_ , Bastila. But we must make up for the acts we committed,” he said placing a hand lightly on her shoulder.

“I don’t know if I am strong enough…”

“You are not alone…I am here for you…I love you.”

Bastila glanced up at him. “How can you—“

The once Dark Lord of the Sith quickly bent and kissed her. “Because I love you, you frustrating female.”

“Derrik, we are Jedi…”

“Yes, but the love we have for each other _saved_ us both from the Darkness. And I won’t abandon that; I won’t abandon you, Bastila,” the male Jedi said as he pulled her against him and guided her out of the ship. If Serra and Carth could work through their problems, he and Bastila could do the same even if theirs were slightly different. Either way, change was on the horizon and each member of the _Ebone Hawk’s_ crew would have to choose their own paths very soon.

The crew of the _Hawk_ were hailed as heroes of the Republic both by the government and the Jedi. Of course Carth was raised above the others by the military and Derrik along with the other padawans were hailed as examples for the other Jedi to follow. Somehow Serra was also included with them. There was a large victory celebration held on the Rakata homeworld and everyone got some well-deserved rest. At least until it was announced that a PR campaign was being planned by the Republic brass to boost morale in the war-torn regions.

The task force responsible for the destruction of the Star Forge had been ordered back to Coruscant to start the debriefing and parade of heroes no one involved was looking forward to. The _Hawk_ was docked onboard the flag ship as her crew resided there as well for the duration of their trip. Everyone was glad the whole ordeal was over, but several were dreading what an unknown future would bring. The fate of several Jedi were in question. The Jedi Council had made it clear that they needed time to deliberate the fate of their younger members. Despite the positive outcome of their mission, some felt a debt still needed to be paid. Others were not so sure.

It was going to take two weeks to reach Coruscant along the course Dodonna had been ordered to take. It was a long way around to show the Outer Worlds most touched by the war with the Sith that it was over. That only gave the Council on the ship more time to deliberate. For some of the Jedi, it was nerve-racking but not unexpected. For one in particular, it was starting to piss her off. Serra Antilles had requested an audience with the Council twice and had been refused twice. As Derrik had put it, saying Serra was _pissed_ was a huge understatement.

The female Jedi spent most of her time in the gym working off her frustration or trying to or staying in her quarters—alone. Only a few people had braved visiting her in her rooms—Carth had free reign to come and go as he pleased and was the only one who seemed immune to her moods. Regardless, Admiral Dodonna had even reportedly visited the disgruntled Jedi for the better part of an hour. Rumors flew through the ship that the Admiral was trying to recruit her or that she was somehow being blamed for one thing or another that had gone wrong or lectured about her relationship with a certain Captain who was apparently up for a promotion.

Regardless of the Council’s refusal to grant her request for an audience or the requests made by Dodonna, Serra Antilles had no intention of letting others determine her future any longer. She had a clear path she wanted to follow and for the first time a strong desire to tell those that would control her to frack off. She would give them a few more days and then take matters into her own hands. And Force help the person that got in her way.


	17. Chapter 17

A few days before the fleet was scheduled to arrive at their first stop, Antilles was once again visited by Onasi. Between keeping up with current affairs with the military and trying to avoid the admiring looks of subordinates, the soldier tried to assure Serra that everything was going to work out and that the Council were just being asses because they could. As it stood that afternoon, the Captain was the only thing keeping his Jedi fiancée from going to the older Jedi and kicking their collective butts.

“Gorgeous, why do you even want to see the old geezers before they call for you? That’s like going to the principal’s office _before_ you get in trouble,” Onasi said as he sat on the edge of her bed. Initially he had wanted to share quarters but with the Council aboard that would just make thing more complicated.

“Because I want to do it _my_ way without them seeing or knowing what’s coming,” she replied as she paced back and forth, frustration evident in every move she made.

Carth watched as she walked from one side of the room to the other. “Do _what_ your way, beautiful?”

“To tell them to frack off, what else?” she said in a tone that let the pilot know she thought that was an extremely stupid question.

“Right. I’m sure that will make everything okay,” Carth replied with his usual sarcastic wit as she continued to pace. 

“Not helping, Onasi,” Antilles snapped in a warning tone.

“Well, neither is that,” he commented as he vaguely waved in her direction. Annoyed, he rose to his feet and walked toward the Jedi. “Can you please stop doing… _that_? It’s starting to make me dizzy.”

She glared at him and then said, “I—I don’t know what else to do. I know what I want, and I know that I have to do _this_ before it can happen. But the damn Council is standing in the way.”

“Settle down, Ser. You knew this would happen. We talked about this. We have time. Besides we’re together,” he said as he tried to comfort her. Doing that with an angry Jedi was not something easily accomplished. But Carth was confident he could help cool her jets as it were or at least he hoped he could. She had used the Force to throw him into a bulkhead yet anyway.

“I—I just wanted it to be easy…for us. Everything else has been so hard,” she admitted quietly as Carth took her in his strong arms.

“Beautiful, I wish I could tell you it would get easier from here, but the Force seems to have other ideas. All I can tell you is that I’ll always be there for you,” he promised as he kissed the crown of her head.

“Hmmmm,” she mewed into his shoulder as she relaxed a little. “So when do you want to get married?”

“Oh, well not here and not with a bunch of nosey strangers around,” he mused as he rubbed her shoulders. “I thought about maybe after we met up with Dustil and I explained to him everything that has gone on. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea…”

“I know. It’s okay,” she assured him as she looked up at him. “I don’t really want to bring this up, but I think the Council might try to _conscript_ Dustil. He is pretty powerful in the Force and another Sith-turned-Jedi would look good for the Jedi. Help them present a positive face for the younger kids.”

“ _What?_ You think they’d use my kid as a poster child for getting more parents to hand over their kids or something?” he asked worriedly.

“Well, maybe. I don’t know. I just know I don’t think the Council knows what it’s doing anymore,” Antilles said as she caressed his cheek. “Regardless, I won’t let them do to your son what they did to me. You have my word.”

“Serra,” he said in a low gravelly tone as he leaned down to close the gap between them.

Suddenly the comm panel beeped behind them and a monotone voice said, “The Council is ready for you Jedi Knight Antilles. Please bring Captain Onasi with you. They have question which need to be answered.”

Before she could acknowledge it, the comm signed off. Carth let out a groan as she narrowed her eyes. “They’re up to something. I should have expected something like this.”

“Well, to tell the truth, beautiful, I wanted to go with you,” he admitted nervously as he ran a hand through his hair. “You see, I kind of sent a request to Master Vander about me coming with you…”

“You did _what_?!”

“Please don’t be too mad. I was worried about you and I thought you could use some back-up when you did face the Council.”

“Carth, sometimes you are really frustrating…”  
  
“Seems I remember saying the exact same thing about you…”

“Oh shut up and come one before they change their minds… _again_.” 

*****

“Was it really necessary to ask the Captain to this meeting?” Vrook asked as he once again glared at the other surviving members of the Dantooine Council. “He is _not_ a Jedi, and this is _Jedi_ business.”

“Is that truly your only reason for not wanting the Captain here, Master Vrook?” Zhar asked with a slight grin.

The older human narrowed his eyes at the implications of the question. “He is a bad influence on her. He has a past of influencing Jedi down the wrong path.”

“If you are referring to Padawan Morgana Sundar, she made her own choice. If she had not come to terms with her own doubts she would have traveled down the path of Darkness. As I see it, Onasi was the correct choice for her to make,” Zhar replied evenly as Vrook looked away to the other members present. They conveniently remained silent.

“Vandar, what is your reason for allowing _this_?”

“Request an audience he did,” the little grey Jedi replied as the ones in question entered the room.

“And we’re here for that audience… _finally_ ,” Antilles commented as the pilot placed a hand lightly on her shoulder.

“Show some respect, Jedi Antilles. You are in the presence of the Council,” Vrook snapped as he glared at the pair.

“I’m here at _your_ request since you denied _mine_. What is it that you want to discuss?” Serra replied calmly even though Carth could tell she was at the limit of her self-control.

“ _We_ are here at your request, so what is your decision regarding Serra,” Carth corrected before Vrook could shoot back at his niece. For once he was being the diplomatic one. The pilot decided to just pretend he was mediating problems between first year cadets. It was basically the same thing.

“We thank you for your presence and we apologize for the wait. Certain members of the Council were… _concerned_ about the possible outcomes of certain situations which have come to light,” Zhar replied with his usual calm demeanor.

“That was not for them to know,” Vrook stated with his hand behind his back.

“Denying Jedi Antilles information concerning decisions made about her is how we allowed her to lose faith in us in the first place. I will not allow that to continue. We have lost too much already to lose any more Jedi to the Darkside,” Zhar replied with anger heard slightly in his tone.

“Umm, excuse me, Masters. But weren’t we here to discuss _me_ , not whatever problems this council has. Though I’m sure there is plenty for you to talk about,” Serra interrupted as she heard Carth shift behind her.

“Ser, now may not be the best time…” he whispered to her as he noticed Vrook’s disapproving glare.

“Stating what is on her mind is what we want, Captain Onasi,” Vandar said as he attempted to regain control of the meeting. “Aware we are that she has made a decision. Wish to understand is all we want.’

“Then letting her talk instead of arguing amongst yourselves would be a better course of action,” Onasi replied before Serra could say anything.

The female Jedi glanced back at her flyboy and nodded her thanks. Vrook asked, “So what is this _great_ _decision_ you have made? You are a Jedi and are to abide by the decisions of this Council.”

“Ah, yeah, about that. I would like to respectfully withdrawal from the Jedi Order. I believe given past events and my own past disagreements with the Council that it would be beneficial to both sides if I leave the Order,” Antilles said to a few gasps and a few knowing nods.

“May we ask for specific reasons for this decision, Jedi Antilles?” Zhar asked of his former student.

“I have had doubts about my place with the Jedi ever since I was _recruited_. It was not my choice to join the Order and the circumstances under which I was taken in I have always found questionable. The Jedi teach one thing but in my experience they do things completely different. I find my personal beliefs differing from those of the Jedi. I can’t resolve those two worldviews. What they want to accomplish is basically the same but _how_ it is accomplished is what I can’t rectify. _That_ is why I believe it is best if I leave the Order,” she answered, relieved to finally be telling the Masters what she really thought.

“That is most unfortunate that you feel that way, but I believe that most of the Master see your point of view,” Zhar replied evenly, despite disappointment evident on his face.

“And we are to believe that the soldier has nothing to do with this?” Vrook finally said anger in his voice.

“Believe what you will, _Uncle_ , but yes, _Carth_ does play apart in my decision,” Serra replied as a grin tugged at her lips.

“I _knew_ it. He has turned you against the Order just like he did with Padawan Sundar. He maybe a Republic soldier but his actions are indicative of the Darkside,” Vrook boomed loudly.

“Okay, that’s _enough._ I’ve played nice with you despite your preconceptions about Serra, but insulting my dead wife is crossing the line,” Onasi said as he stepped forward. “I also don’t care for the tone of voice and implications you are throwing around concerning my fiancée.”

“ _Fiancée_? You can’t be serious?” Vrook exclaimed. “Surely the Council can see she has been influenced by him?”

“See we do. And for the better I believe,” Vandar said with a small smile.

_“What?”_

“For the first time, Jedi Antilles sees her path and it is clear,” the smaller Master said.

“But she is _leaving_ the Order. That is unacceptable,”

“No. Others have left. She presents a valid case. If she has doubts, those could lead her to the Darkside not Captain Onasi. It is our fault these doubts exist at all and we must allow her to resolve them in her own way,” Zhar pointed out, pride in his expression.

“She has skills and Force powers that are important to the Jedi…”

“That’s all she’s ever been to you, isn’t? A tool, or weapon to use. She was a backup plan that you kept hidden in case you needed her. You are just as bad as the bloody Sith. You can’t even acknowledge that she’d your niece. You’re the only blood relative she has left, for frack’s sake!” Carth yelled as Serra took his hand.

“Family entanglements are _forbidden_ , Jedi Antilles,” Vrook said sternly.

“ _That_ is exactly the kind of differences I’m talking about. Family kept me on course. Losing them nearly tore me apart. Finding Carth helped me to find my path again and gave me a future. If you can’t accept that than I have nothing to say to you, Uncle. And I am sorry our relationship has to end this way,” she said regretfully.

“Thank you for your explanation, Serra Antilles. You are free to leave the Order without any interference from us.”

“No, this cannot be allowed.’

“The Council has made its decision. Stand down Vrook.”

“Thank you, Masters. We will take our leave now,” Antilles said Carth started to follow her out of the room.

“Oh by the way, I would request that Dustil Onasi be left to make his own decision. If he is not I would hate to think about the repercussions of such an action. I do not wish to have to face a Jedi in order to protect him,” Antilles said evenly as she pointedly looked back at her uncle.

“Your wishes will be followed. May the Force be with you,” Zhar said

“You as well, Masters. Farewell.”

As the doors closed behind them, Carth leaned over to Serra and said, “You _can_ control your temper after all.”

“Only when I want to. But you having my back helps with that, flyboy,” she said with a grin.

“Any time, gorgeous. And thanks for what you said about Dustil. It means a lot to me,” he said as he kissed her quickly. He ignored the looks the crew gave them.

“Umm, you’re welcome, handsome, but some people are starting to stare,” Serra said suddenly very conscious of all the looks.

“So what. I’m kissing the ex-Jedi I’m going to marry. If they want to let ‘em. We saved the Republic. I think we’re entitled to a little self-indulgence,”

“You just want to kiss me in front of the council to show your claim…”

“Maybe, but I don’t see you trying to stop me…”

“Never, flyboy, never.”


	18. Chapter 18

_Epilogue:_

_3 months after the destruction of the Star Forge_

“Tell me again why we are out in the middle of nowhere?” Serra asked as she watched Carth’s hand fly over the controls of their small star cruiser. It never failed to mesmerize the ex-Jedi as he effortlessly manipulated the controls of any ship she had ever seen him fly, whether he had piloted it before or not.

“Because out here _no one_ can find us except for the people we _want_ to find us,” the Republic soldier replied as he grinned up at her. As an afterthought her added cheekily, “And its someplace we haven’t been to.”

“Well, when you put it like that it’s hard to argue with your logic,” she said as he leaned in to kiss him.

“At least I can win an argument with you every once in a while,” he replied with a smirk.

Glaring at him she said, “If you really want to argue…”

“No, no. I like the peace, _and_ my person intact,” Onasi replied as he put the borrowed ship on autopilot. Derrik had found someone who owed him a favor to loan the pair the ship indefinitely for their honeymoon. They hadn’t asked who had loaned it or why they owed him such a favor. Neither was sure they wanted to know.

They had decided to spend the second part of Carth’s 6 month leave bouncing from planet to planet, going to places neither had been before. Only a few people knew how to get in contact with the pair. And no one was to contact them unless it was an extreme emergency. After their trip was over they planned on meeting up with Dustil again either on Telos or Coruscant. During the first part of his leave, Carth and his son had started talking and attempting to mend their relationship. The younger Onasi was as stubborn as his father but also as intelligent (when he wanted to be.) Dustil had said he needed some time to think about things and had suggested meeting back up with his father after the honeymoon. They had agreed on it and both seemed cautiously optimistic that they could be father and son again in the near future.

The one thing that had worried Serra hadn’t been a problem for the young man at all. Despite everything he had been through, Dustil had a level head on his shoulders and had expressed no malice towards his father’s relationship with her. In fact, he had wished Serra luck in her knew marriage, saying she was going to need it and the Force on her side to put up with his dad. Carth had been less than thrilled to hear it but was beyond happy that the two most important people in his life were getting along.

“Do you miss the danger already, flyboy?” she teased as he stood and faced her.

“Not hardly, but it did make getting to know you interesting,” he replied as he put his hands around her waist.

“So you wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with me otherwise?” she asked pretending to pout.

“ _No,_ but it did help me get over my thing with Jedi quicker which got us to this point a lot quicker,” Onasi said.

“You think you would have fallen for me even if we weren’t forced to search for the Star Forge together?” she asked curiously.

“Well, yeah, but we would have had more time to get to know one another. It might have taken longer, things going slower between us…I mean I won’t deny that I felt something for you the first time I saw you. I, ah, did you might be an enemy spy or something though,” he replied honestly.

“Who’s to say I wasn’t and that all this is just to get close to a high-ranking Republic officer?” she said walking two fingers up his chest.

“Well if you were, don’t you think I’m a little low in the pecking order to get the really good classified information?”

“No, you were put on the Star Forge mission _and_ you are the one who actually does the work so maybe that’s what the _bad guys_ are looking for…”

“Ser, if I didn’t know you, I’d think you were really trying to convince me that you _are_ an enemy spy…”

“Well, you know I’m _not_ one. Right?”

“I don’t know now,” he said pushing her away. “That Force bond we have—you could have made me have one with you so I would believe you…”

“ _Carth_ …”

“And all the things about your past could have been tailored specifically to me so I would empathize with you more. Maybe even start to care about you enough that I’d want to protect you. Hell, a bonus to that might have even been me asking you to marry me.”

“ _Onasi…”_

“I love you.”

“I’m going to get you for that.”

“You brought it up.”

“You ass.”

“Well, you could make me _pay_ for it. We are on a ship all _alone_ for once. No one to disturb us…”

“You are a very bad man…”

“Only you think that…”

“Are you sure Dustil is okay with this… _us_?” Serra asked as she motioned between the two of them.

“He would have said if he wasn’t,” Carth assured her as she grabbed her waving hand. “He _does_ tend to speak his mind if you haven’t noticed.”

“Kind of like his dad.”

“All part of the Onasi charm.”

“So everything is good?”

“Yeah, why?” Onasi asked, noticing her jovial mood continue to turn serious. Doubts were threatening to set in.

“I don’t know,” she replied with a shrug, her hand still caught in his. “With everything that’s happened I never thought I’d be this happy again or be here with you.”

“I know how you feel, gorgeous. But there’s something else bothering you isn’t there?”

“Well, not exactly. Sort of,” she stammered out, almost unsure how to answer his question. She looked up at him, shyly. “How do you feel about kids?”

He arched an eyebrow as he chuckled. “I have one don’t I?”

“Well, yeah he’s sixteen-ish though. And I am glad you found him and are talking to him. I—” Serra paused for a moment, forcing herself not to look away. “I meant little kids, babies.”

“Oh, whoa. Are you trying to tell me you’re—“

“ _No_ , not yet,” Antilles replied, shaking her head vehemently. “I’ve been using precautions, but I wanted to know because we never talked about it.”

“You want them don’t you?” Carth pressed, making sure he knew exactly where she stood on the matter.

This time she looked away. “Well, yeah, but you might not…”

“Stop right there, Ser. I want to have a family with you,” the Captain interrupted as he cupped her cheek, making her look at him again. “ _If_ that includes kids, more little Onasies running around, I’m all for it. But me being with you _isn’t_ contingent on that. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Good,” he said firmly as he hugged her quickly. “So you like being Mrs. Serra Antilles-Onasi then?”

“Yeah. It’s got its perks,” she said with a smirk.

“Well, you do get to work with me when our little trip is over. Agreeing to work for Dodonna as a troubleshooter will see us spending a lot of time together. Lucky me.”

“That wasn’t sarcasm was it?”

“Sarcasm? From me? Never.”

“Ass.”

He took her chin in his hand gently, tilting her head up towards him. “I am the luckiest man in the universe to have you. Never believe I think otherwise, Serra. _Never_.”

“I won’t. You helped me find my true path.,” she replied, pecking him on the lips quickly. “I love you.”

“Hmmm,” Onasi said as he grabbed her roughly and swept her up into his strong arms. “I think I should show you how much you mean to me. What do you say, gorgeous?”

“Whatever you want, handsome,” Antilles replied as she kissed him. “I’m sure I won’t regret that statement in the slightest.”

“I’ll make sure you never do, Serra. I promise.”


End file.
